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Sharing emotional space
Could the reason I feel left out when my husband holds my mother-in-law’s hand—despite understanding it logically—be because of how I was raised?
Whenever my husband, mother-in-law, and I go for a walk or anywhere together, and he holds her hand, I feel left alone. When he then tries to hold my hand, I say, “It’s okay, your mom needs you—I’m good on my own.”
It’s not that I want my husband only for myself. I understand he is her son, and she naturally expects care and attention from him. I even explain this to myself, and I know there’s nothing wrong with it.
Still, I end up feeling bad and repeating the same behavior.
Could this be connected to how I was raised? When I was a child, my mom used to divide everything—fruits, cake, anything she bought—equally among us. What was given to me was mine, and I wasn’t allowed to take from others, nor were they allowed to take from me.
Has this created a mindset of “what’s mine is mine,” making it harder for me to share emotional space too?
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Hey, thank you for sharing this so openly. It takes courage to reflect on your feelings the way you are, and itâs a really meaningful step. Itâs clear youâre not just reacting, but actually trying to understand yourself with honesty and care. Thatâs something to be proud of.
Yes, the way you were raised may have shaped how you experience emotional space today. When love or care was divided clearly in childhood, it can make it harder to feel at ease sharing emotional closeness now, even when you logically understand the situation. The feelings of being left out are not wrong; theyâre just signals from a part of you that still needs reassurance and warmth. You're doing something very meaningful by looking inward, and thatâs how healing begins. Be kind to yourself your feelings are valid, and you deserve to feel included and emotionally safe.
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Instead of pushing those feelings aside, try gently acknowledging them, and when you're ready, share them with your husband in a soft, non-blaming way. You might say something like, "Sometimes I just feel a bit invisible in those moments, I know itâs not intentional, but I wanted to share it with you".
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Try not to dismiss your own feelings just because you understand the situation logically. Your hurt still matters. Itâs okay to need closeness and to ask for emotional space without guilt. Always being the âunderstanding oneâ can quietly build hurt, so let your needs be seen too.And of course if it feel like a lot to handle, there is a safe space where you can understand these feelings and that Therapy. Maybe try to find a therapist near you and start exploring your feelings. You are going to be okay :)
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Hi,
Yes, it's quite possible that your feelings are influenced by how you were raised. Growing up with a sense of fairness and boundariesâwhere possessions and attention were strictly dividedâmay have fostered a mindset of âwhatâs mine is mine,â making it challenging to feel comfortable sharing or relinquishing emotional space. When your husband shows care or affection toward your mother-in-law, it might evoke feelings of exclusion or possessiveness rooted in these early experiences, even if logically you understand the situation. Your internal conflictârecognising the naturalness of their relationship yet feeling left outâcan stem from this ingrained belief system about boundaries and sharing. Awareness of this connection can help you gently explore feelings of vulnerability or insecurity and work toward more comfort with shared emotional closeness, understanding that love and care can be abundant and not necessarily finite or exclusive.
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Yes, your insight about childhood experiences possibly shaping your current emotional responses is very valid. When we grow up in environments where emotional resources or attention were defined by fairness, boundaries, or clear divisions (like "whatâs mine is mine"), it can subtly shape how we experience emotional closeness or sharing later in lifeâeven in non-competitive, nurturing relationships.
What youâre describing may stem from an early sense of emotional security being tied to structure and fairness. So when something feels âunevenâ or when attention is shared in a way thatâs not clearly defined, it can unconsciously trigger a sense of being left out, even if you know logically that thereâs no intent to exclude you.
Itâs important to remember that this reaction doesnât make you possessive or unreasonableâit makes you human. And it shows that your emotional mind is still seeking reassurance of your place and value, especially in moments where attachment feels slightly displaced.
Iâd be glad to support you in unpacking this further, at your pace.
Next Steps
Therapy can help you gently explore and soften these old emotional patternsânot to erase your past, but to create more space for secure connection without inner conflict. The fact that youâre already asking these questions with such honesty is a strong sign youâre ready for that kind of growth.
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Hi, I understand that you are asking a deeply insightful question. The emotional discomfort you are feeling is completely valid, especially because you are approaching it with such honesty and self-awareness.
This is not about jealousy or immaturity; it is about long-standing emotional patterns shaped by your early experiences.
The fact that you are recognizing and reflecting on them is not just a strength—it is the first and most empowering step toward emotional healing and creating a more secure, connected space in your relationship.
To begin gently shifting this pattern, try acknowledging your feelings without judgment, and when you are ready, share them openly with your husband—framing the conversation around connection rather than blame.
Journaling can also help you explore and reframe childhood beliefs, so they no longer influence your present emotional experiences.
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Childhood experiences can affect psychological and emotional behavior.
It needs to be addressed in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
You need an expert counseling psychologist.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance
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Hi,It seems you are overthinking.Married life can be stressful and demanding.You are in a learning experience and you will overcome this feeling.Instead of seeing negative things,you have to focus on good things that are happening.
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Consult a psychologist
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avoid comparing both the family
Be empathetic
Deep breathing exercises
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Hey,
It makes so much sense that you’re feeling this way. Even if you logically understand the situation, emotions don’t always follow logic. It’s totally human to feel left out in those moments.
It’s possible your childhood experiences, where things were clearly divided as “mine” and “yours” has shaped how you relate to emotional space now. You’re not wrong for feeling how you feel; it’s just a pattern that might be asking for attention and care.
You’ve already done the hardest part by noticing it. If it keeps coming up, a gentle chat with a therapist might help you unpack it more fully, without judgment.
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From a psychological perspective, what you're describing points to a common dynamic often rooted in early childhood experiences and attachment styles.
Your feelings of being "left out" or needing to share your husband's attention with his mother, even when you logically understand the situation, strongly suggest a deep-seated emotional response. The fact that you explain this to yourself and logically understand it, yet still feel bad and repeat the behavior, highlights that this isn't a conscious choice, but rather an automatic emotional reaction. These reactions are often formed in our formative years and become deeply wired into our emotional responses.
Counseling helps by providing a safe space to explore these old patterns, understand their origins... This helps you feel safer and more confident inside yourself, making it easier to share attention and affection with others calmly.
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try counseling
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Hi
Every person deserves personal space,
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Yes, it’s very possible that how you were raised has shaped the way you experience and interpret emotional sharing today.
When we grow up in environments where everything is clearly divided and ownership is emphasized—like your mom ensuring each child had their own portion and boundaries were strict—it can subtly instill a mindset of emotional boundaries as well. That mindset of “what’s mine is mine” may not just apply to physical objects, but also to people, time, and affection.
In your case, your husband’s affection is something you deeply value, and unconsciously, you may feel it should be “yours” in a way that’s exclusive—especially in moments when he expresses care toward someone else, even his mother. Even though you understand the logic behind it and recognize there’s no wrongdoing, your emotional conditioning still reacts.
You’ve also shown great self-awareness by noticing that:
• You don’t want to feel this way, but the feeling arises automatically.
• You understand the relationship dynamic rationally.
• You suspect this might stem from your upbringing.
That’s a big step toward healing and reshaping how you respond.
What can help?
1. Inner child work – Explore and gently reparent that younger part of you that learned emotional resources had to be divided and protected.
2. Open communication – Talk to your husband about how you feel without blame, just as a way to be seen and understood.
3. Emotional flexibility – Practice noticing when these feelings arise, and gently remind yourself that love is not finite. His care for his mother doesn’t mean less care for you.
4. Therapy or journaling – Both can help unpack and reframe early messages around sharing and emotional security.
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
That could be one of the reasons... Yet, what you go through as a feeling is from the perspective of a wife..
It is normal from a wife's perspective.
Still both of you need to know when to expect and to let go of it..
I would suggest you you both to Consul Relationship Coach, so that both of you can work together to understand each other and the roles..
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
What you are going through is a dilemma.
It has nothing to do with your mother raising you this way. She probably divided things to teach you to be satisfied with what you have, also if you have a sibling, so that you don’t end up fighting for the little things.
Secondly, if you want your husband to hold hands with you, express it to him, if you don’t express it to him then whom?? You can always ask him to make you feel special. Sometimes man needs that guidance. They don’t understand”read between the lines”
For further guidance u can contact me at eight three six eight zero five three seven one zero
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi...To the extent of saying that your childhood shaped your mind in a certain manner, it is true but when it comes to specific instances of your husband giving preference to his mother while walking and holding hand, it may have much deeper issues. Although, it is not unusual to feel bad if a loved one gives preference to someother family member over us. But we all learn to overcome that natural instinct and act mature.
It does points to few things:
1. A sense of insecurity and comparison.
2. A kind of emotional void inside.
3. A feeling of being left out.
4. Lack of acceptance of self or low self-esteem.
Try to dig deeper into your psyche in a therapeutic setting. It will help you solve much deeper issues and you will be able to live a more sorted and fulfilling life.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
Interpersonal Guidance and Counselling using Psychoanalytic Approach is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Mr. Fr Dr John Zachariah
Counselling Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Ernakulam
Consult psychologist
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consult our psychologist in ernakulam kochi
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for malayalam consultation 85*8985*3765
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
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connect
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