OCD and DEPRESSION. Go out in 15 days.

Hello! I lost my mother when I was 9, I was so confused and scared the whole time which later hurt my whole life. I started getting scared of almost everything mainly people. I cannot let my sister go out cause I was so scared of many reasons, when she went I couldnt think of anything but constanlty about her security. I was not able to make friends in my college days because I was scared to talk to anyone directly and people would make fun of my walk. There is none in my family that helped me. I think almost everyday about suicide and make plans how to run away from home and kill myself. I am addicted to mastrubation foe 3 years now which only worsened my daily life. I once wrote a letter about my problems and ran away from home and came home after 3 days and nobody talked about anything my life just been the same. Now everyday I am going through hell with thoughts like my family getting killed and more and more and more and me getting bullied by people. I didnt go out in 15 days.