We been married for 12 years. But still lack in bonding. So please advice me on following points-
1. Is appearance matters for bonding
2. How to start conversation means he shut me
down while doing it, he avoids me
3. He doesn't tell me about his financial matters, How to make myself a confidant person for him Should I discuss my financial matters with him
4. How to initiate friendship
5. He is also having extramarital affairs and I can't divorce him . How to deal with that, we have an autistic kid.
6. He is cleanisess freaky and expect the same from me
7. Suggest the game we can play together as buddy
8.
9. I have started taking initiative towards physical
intimacy hy giving him morning and night hug,
How to move further, we don't have intimacy for the past 10 years
9.
7. Should I disclose my financial investment to him
8. We also don't have physical intimacy, How to initiate that
9.
7. Name the games we can play so that we can have a buddy time
8.
Answers (14)
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As a psychologist, I'll address your concerns one by one:
Appearance and Bonding: While appearance can play a role in initial attraction, true bonding in a relationship goes beyond physical appearance. It's more about emotional connection, shared experiences, and mutual understanding. Focus on building emotional intimacy and connection with your partner through open communication and spending quality time together.
Starting Conversations: If your partner shuts down conversations or avoids you, it could indicate underlying issues in the relationship. Try to approach conversations in a non-confrontational manner and express your desire for open communication. Consider couples therapy as a way to improve communication and address any barriers to connection.
Financial Matters: Building trust and openness in financial matters is important for a healthy relationship. Start by initiating conversations about financial goals, concerns, and decisions together. Share your own financial information and express your desire to be a confidant partner. However, if he is unwilling to share, respect his boundaries but encourage ongoing dialogue.
Initiating Friendship: Friendship is the foundation of a strong relationship. Find common interests and activities you both enjoy, and make an effort to spend quality time together. Engage in activities that promote bonding and create opportunities for meaningful conversations and shared experiences.
Dealing with Extramarital Affairs: Infidelity can be deeply painful and damaging to a relationship. Consider seeking support from a therapist to navigate this difficult situation. Focus on setting boundaries, rebuilding trust, and exploring ways to strengthen your connection with your partner, especially considering the needs of your autistic child.
Dealing with Cleanliness Differences: Differences in cleanliness preferences can be challenging but manageable. Find compromises that work for both of you and communicate openly about your needs and expectations regarding cleanliness. Respect each other's boundaries and preferences while finding common ground.
Games for Buddy Time: Choose games that encourage teamwork, communication, and laughter. Board games like Scrabble, card games like Uno, or cooperative video games can be great options for bonding and having fun together.
Initiating Physical Intimacy: Rebuilding physical intimacy after a long period of absence can take time and patience. Start by expressing affection through hugs, kisses, and cuddling, as you've been doing. Communicate openly with your partner about your desires and boundaries, and explore intimacy gradually at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
Financial Investments: Whether to disclose financial investments is a personal decision that depends on your level of trust and openness in the relationship. Consider discussing it with your partner to foster transparency and mutual understanding, but respect his boundaries if he prefers not to share.
Remember that building a strong and fulfilling relationship takes effort and commitment from both partners. Be patient with each other, communicate openly and respectfully, and prioritize the well-being of your family as you navigate these challenges together. If needed, seek support from a qualified therapist like us ...hence we can provide guidance tailored to your specific situation
Next Steps
Talk openly with your partner about what's been bothering you. Think about trying couples therapy to help you both communicate better and feel closer. Make sure you're both clear about what's okay and what's not in your relationship. Reach out to friends or family for supportâyou don't have to go through this alone. Don't forget to take care of yourself during all of thisâit's important. Maybe try taking small steps to bring back some physical closeness between you two. Keep the money conversation goingâit's important to be on the same page financially. Find something fun you both enjoy doing together and make time for it regularly.
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Float the idea of couple counselling. If your husband is not willing to engage in counseling, it's still valuable for you to seek therapy on your own. Individual counseling can provide you with support, guidance, and coping strategies to navigate the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It can also help you gain clarity, set boundaries, and develop healthy ways to cope with the situation, even if your husband isn't participating. Remember, taking care of your own mental and emotional well-being is important, and seeking therapy can be a proactive step towards personal growth and empowerment.
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to navigate these challenges in your marriage. Please know that you're not alone, and seeking support is a positive step towards healing and growth. It's important to approach these issues with empathy and understanding, prioritizing open communication and mutual respect.
Next Steps
Consider seeking couples therapy, where you can receive guidance and support in addressing underlying issues and rebuilding trust. The reason I'm suggesting therapy is that there is a lot of emotional complexity in this matter and while you can handle it alone, it would be extremely difficult.
Health Tips
Remember to be patient with yourself and your partner as you work towards strengthening your bond and creating a more fulfilling relationship for both of you.
Developing friendship and bond in marriage is possible. It requires the efforts of both partner. Your desire to develop friendship shall be mutually shared among you two. I suggest you to have open communication with your husband about your feelings and desires. There are various ways to work on the issues you mention but the main requirement here is the willingness from husband's side. As you mentioned you have an autistic child taking care of the child and also struggle with such marital discord and also being aware about an affair seems like a genuinely hard situation from your side. Along with all that it must be lonely and overwhelming dealing with such situations on your own.
I suggest you to start taking therapy for yourself which will help you establish boundaries and harmony in your relationship and help you learn to protect yourself emotionally while having a deeper understanding and confidence in yourself.
Along with if you can convince your husband to take the couple therapy with you that will be the best option to go forward.
From what I can feel your self esteem and confidence in self is highly compromised currently any quick fix will not be helpful in the long term. For a healthy relationship we require a healthy us to maintain and work on it.
My apologies if something in this message you find opposing your views.
I really hope things get easier and better for you soon.
Takecare.
Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.
Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.
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