Marriage counselling. Anything better.

This is quite usual in marriages after sometime. This happens when we try to somehow control and change the other person according to our expectations. In close relationships like husband-wife, father -daughter, father-son, etc. such problems do occur every then and now. During such turbulent interactions , we tend to interfere in the personal space of the other person and tend to take for granted the independence and  autonomy of that person. This leads to blurring of personal boundaries and leads to distress. To overcome this, one needs to first value that personal space which is right of every person. Your wife is a different person. When you try to change her by any sort of trial and error techniques, you miss the opportunity to understand her nature and personality. When she doesn't behave your way, this seems disrespectful and hurts your ego. These are the times when you should actually try to observe why she does this the way she does. You may be trying this to some extent  but you put your own dilemmas in context and doesn't understand her as a person. This creates interpersonal distance and distress. Remember, distancing means not trying to judge at all. Just observe. No conceptualizations. Hope this helps.

change the ways of being in relationship. be Mindful of your responses in relationships.

just observe and try to know your wife. even after so many years of marriage , you both may still be strangers to each other.