I want to kill myself. This to anybody!

Whenever i see people partying or going out with friends i feel sad and irritated that i dont have friends. Whenever i fight with my husband i think of killing myself and try to control. I have even few seconds away of doing so then i forcefully stopped myself but the thought was very strong. I take alot of time in letting thing go. I think of it alot even if the person apologies. Even right 10 minutes before, i had a fight with my husband and it was a such a small thing. I over reacted and then locked myself in room and was on the urge of killing myself but my husband came and asked me to open the door otherwise i would have died by now. Right now i am getting mixed thoughts whether should i kill myself and then i am trying to control myself but day by day its getting difficult to control. Please suggest medicine as i dont want to tell this to anybody