I don't understand my state of mind.

I m going through a lot a long relationship broke, Failing interviews, not enough support from family all these things at one time is breaking me. I mean i feel the pain in heart n bones at the same time. Sometimes I m fine n sometimes I m just sitting. I am scared and tired at the same time. I do have fear of failure but same time I don't feel or have urge to be productive. I want friends but I hate socialising. I want be alone but I m also scared of being lonely. I have become like I m caring about everything a relationship job n family but suddenly I m not caring about anything. I can feel everything n i m becoming numb every passing day. This is best I tired to explain myself. I want to be treated but due to lack of job have lack of money I cannot c doctor n parents will never understand what I m going through.