My mind does not understand my feelings.

It seems you are happy one moment and sad and irritated the other. It is increasingly becoming difficult for you to deal with these feelings. It has affected your relationships, studies since past many years. Most of what you describe are the symptoms of depression but a detailed evaluation is required to make this certain. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to deal with the ambivalence and the mixed feelings. It might seem very difficult and you may also feel helpless and hopeless about your situation. Though suffering since so many years, it is commendable that you have recognized and seeking help. Since the problem persist since last 8 years, it is advised that you consult a clinical psychologist for a detailed evaluation. Meantime, you could write down your feelings and thoughts in a journal everyday for at least 30 minutes. It will be difficult initially but after 4-5 days you will begin to feel better. Step to write a journal to express your emotions: 1. Open up your notebook (or begin a document on your computer). 2. When the timer starts, begin writing about your emotional experiences from the past week, month and year. 3. Don’t worry about punctuation, sloppiness or coherence. 4. Simply go wherever your mind takes you, curiously and without judgment. 5. Write just for yourself, and not for some eventual reader. 6. Do this for a few days. 7. Then, close the document without saving it, or throw the paper away, it doesn’t matter. 8. The point is that those thoughts are now out of you and on the page. 9. You have begun the process of ‘stepping out’ from your experience to gain perspective on it.

Consult a clinical psychologist to get a detailed evaluation done to work on the problem from the root cause.

U are suffering from anxiety.It is a disease which is treatable.To deal with it u learn to how to manage it.u must visit to counselling psychologist to learn how to manage your anxiety. U may need some medicine and supplement s to increase your physical health.