I am not happy and crying continuously.

I lost my dad in 2015 he was serving in army , i was in class 10th , since then i am not happy, things getting worse day by day, i haven't still accepted that, everyday i got scared of loosing something,in 2018 i met a guy whom i trusted the most and fell in love with him , he was a pure guy that times , its been 4 year but few months back he continuesly lied about everything and even had sex with prostitute which i found out . I told him about how much i hate lies but he is still lying and lying everyday . He know my situation and still lyung and not caring , i had the thoughts of dying many of times and for the sake of my mother i am still here. Everything is getting worse day by day. I am in a major trauma and scared of people nearby me. I dont smile at all not even talk to people. I hate speaking and hate myself too. I am least interested in everything, i want to sleep or die. I was very courageous but now helpless.