Frustrated and confused. To me?

Hie................. I won’t tell you to plan for a holiday and go for shopping. These are only temporary relief. I don’t know your reason of depression, but i can say what i did in my state of deep sadness. First, make sure you are sad not depressed, these two are completely different thing. There was a time in my life when i had everything, one can say I am living a perfect life, a perfect family and few good friends probably one can ask for. But still, somewhere, in my life, I feel lost. I feel something is missing. I go for my job I attend parties. I go out for social gatherings. I enjoy music on weekends. I even dance many times. Sometimes, I turn off the radio, press the pause button. I found myself in darkness. I could hear my heartbeat and wanted to mute it. I got an intense urge to get out of everything. It starts draining me. I began to lose my power. Sure, it could be a partner. But I don’t want to jump into a relationship until I feel like. The same time, I enjoy my loneliness, I love to be in me. I like to explore myself. My true potentials, my inner and outer surface. And then I saw my family. I forget everything I was thinking about. And I rewind my happy mode again. I have been in love. The real kinda love. The can’t sleep, can’t eat, dancing on the fairy tale of my mom’s night story and all these weird kinda stuff. But at the end, that was not supposed to be mine. I accepted the reality and moved on. I smile, and the very next moment it loses it freshness. I know my emotional walls are very high. I take time to trust someone, to give them liberty to make me smile, but I enjoy their company. My job isn’t my dream, but I enjoy it. My life isn’t a reflection of my dreams, but I don’t have any complaints. My happiness doesn’t depend on others as far as I know my worth. Being with myself is better than being with someone. I am happy with myself. To best of my capacity, I am making improvements every day to be better who I am today. Learning new things, making every second count and discovering things about me. I have changed my life and others along the way. I find the beauty of spending time alone. “I was a man who thrived on solitude; without it I was like another man without food or water. Each day without solitude weakened me. I took no pride in my solitude, but I was dependent on it. The darkness of the room was like sunlight to me.” ― Charles Bukowski I don’t tell you to close yourself in a room, be lost. But you need to learn to enjoy the things you have. If you are like me, feeling something is missing. Don’t give up, keep explore your life. I know it feels like you’re never going to find that missing piece, but the discovery worth your time. Just keep going, just keep swimming with the flow, don’t settle. Life itself will find its path.