Depression? Me what's wrong with me.

So I think I am suffering from depression , I'm not sure and I can't even go for check up or anything . I'm really struggling like it's so hard . I don't even know why am I like this . I always feel so numb and am suicidal and have few attempts in past week . I can't sleep or I sleep too much . I feel so hopeless and awful . I feel like I'm stuck in this endless darkness . I can't just stop thinking about ways that I can kill myself . I hate myself so much . I also sometimes hear voices but they seem like thoughts but not thoughts . I also am a self harmer , I cut and burn my skin because it kinda helps me . I really wanna know what's wrong with me , why am I like this . I even said my family to take me to doctor but they never took it seriously and I can't personally even afford going to doctor and all . Please anyone help me . Tell me what's wrong with me .