I am a student. I think i am suffering from depression. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to sleep the whole day, without any food intakes. I lack interest in anything i do. I feel like going on a long journey alone from where I can never come back. I just want myself to become lost somewhere. I want to sit on a train for an endless journey. I get suicidal thoughts but I can't do that due to mother. I just don't like anyone around me. But occassionally, I become fine temporarily. But after that, I become the same lonely creature of which I am myself unknown. I want to loose myself to the universe, but its a difficult process. I don't know wat shud i do. I just cover my ears with earplugs and never want to uncover them, until it starts paining my ears. I dont like the environment, the home, the people, i just like the blue sky, nd want to keep glaring at it endlessly. Please suggest me what should I do? Is there any medication or therapy?
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The value system of which you and everyone is a part is the reason of you current state.
The value system tell what one should be....happy ,successful, kind,religious,spiritual, this that and the other.
So your strife or conflict is because of the battle between what you are and what you should be. May this has taken a toll on you.
The endless journey will have your same mind and your thoughts, you cannot escape them,
The battle must end....and it ends when you accept what you are ...NOW ..
If you enjoy your loneliness then keep enjoying it, Your psychological effort to not to be lonely is the problem. That you should not be lonely is a cultural input which overlooks the individuality of a person.
Do what you love to......stare at the sky endlessly..
Be monetary secured and have courage to live , as life is always now....
Take a counseling session if you must.....But do not deny you as you are!! cheers
I appreciate ur courage to finallly speaking ur heart out. I know its not the easiest thing to do. And now its totally fine to expect some advice in the right direction. In ur account of feelings , i can sense a huge load of internal emptiness - a hollowness about which u seem to be helpless and hopeless. Those glimpses of goodness put u in greater gloom once those moments pass. Though its impractical and impossible for me to understand all of what u r going through yet i have some idea of what it is. Its been a while probably when u gave up trying to understand this. There is some lethargy ensuing with each day passing. But this can not be allowed for long. Resolution calls for
1)Identifying the specifics 2) How that connects ur life as one 3) Convincing and practical options at disposal 4) Finally working on all negative patterns of thinking which create such environment in mind.
This may involve u to see a psych doctor of ur choice and discuss in detail. This may involve temporary use of some mood improving medicines and counselling / psychotherapy.
I hope this proves helpful in ur liberation from this psychological state. Please take care.
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