Hi. I understand the distress you are going through. Often, we all get trapped in some dysfunctional thinking, feeling & even behavior due to various factors. It could be our personality traits, coping mechanisms, environmental issues, physical health, stress levels and sometimes use of substances like alcohol or nicotine. If you don't do anything, the chances of these resulting in consequences like depression, addiction of some kind, impact on career & relationships etc are high.
I recommend that you get present to the dysfunctions, start taking things as a matter of fact & commit to certain positive, but realistic behavioral changes. I feel you will need professional help to get the structure & techniques right, may be including medicines.
Hope it is helpful. Best wishes