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Denial to see a Counsellor
My fiancée is showing clear signs of anxiety and depression. She is also very very avoidant of any serious talk I want to initiate with her. All the time she masquerades her anxiety behind giggles and jokes. I am trying to convince her a lot that seeing a counsellor certainly cannot hurt but she is adamant that she is completely alright and claims I would be forcing my will upon her if I make her see a counsellor. I am really troubled by her behaviour. I want to save this relationship but her non-acceptance that she needs help is making me think about my own happiness in the long run. Please suggest something that could help.
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It’s difficult to see someone you love struggle while refusing help. Here are some ways you can support them:
Open Conversations – Instead of insisting on counseling, express concern gently: "I've noticed you're feeling low. I'm here for you."
Validate Their Feelings – Let them know it’s okay to feel this way and they don’t have to go through it alone.
Reduce the Stigma – Share that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness but a step toward feeling better.
Small Steps First – Encourage self-care activities like walks, hobbies, or journaling before pushing for counseling.
Lead by Example – Sometimes, sharing your own experiences with therapy (if applicable) can make them feel more comfortable.
Offer Options – Instead of insisting on a session, suggest a low-pressure chat with a counselor or even a helpline for guidance.
Take Care of Yourself Too – Supporting someone with anxiety or depression can be emotionally draining, so ensure you have your own support system.
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She seems to be more vulnerable right now. Give her some time and space to understand her own feelings.
She would bounce back for help.
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Hi
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consult
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consult
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You’re in a tough spot—caring deeply for your fiancée while feeling powerless as she struggles in silence. Her avoidance, humor, and denial are likely defense mechanisms to protect herself from facing uncomfortable emotions. But for you, it’s becoming a constant emotional burden.
What You Can Do:
1. Shift the Approach – Instead of saying “You need help,” try “I notice you’ve been stressed, and I just want to understand how you’re feeling.” Let her feel safe rather than confronted.
2. Lead with Vulnerability – Open up about your own feelings instead of focusing on hers. “I feel helpless when I see you struggling, and I want to be there for you.” This makes it a shared concern rather than an intervention.
3. Set Emotional Boundaries – You can support, but you can’t force her to change. If this is affecting your happiness, reflect on what you need in a long-term partner.
If she still resists help, remember: you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Your well-being matters too.
If you want to take online therapy sessions, connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Hi,
Itâs understandable to feel troubled by your fiancéeâs behavior, especially when you care deeply about her well-being and the health of your relationship. Itâs important to approach the situation with empathy and patience. Instead of pushing her directly to see a counselor, consider having a gentle conversation where you express your concerns without judgment. Emphasize that your intention is to support her and that seeing a professional can provide her with tools to manage her anxiety and depression, not as a sign of weakness or failure. You might also suggest exploring counseling together, framing it as a way to strengthen your relationship. Encourage open communication, and let her know that you're there for her, regardless of her decision. Ultimately, taking care of your own mental health is crucial, so ensure you have your own support system in place as you navigate this challenging situation.
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consult
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seek help
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It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling stuck in this situation. Your fiancé’s anxiety and avoidance are not just affecting him but also your emotional well-being and the future of your relationship. From a psychological perspective, people with anxiety often use avoidance as a defense mechanism because confronting emotions feels overwhelming. However, avoiding problems doesn’t make them go away—it often makes them worse.
In my opinion, here are some important points to consider:
1. Gentle Communication is Key – Instead of directly pushing him to seek therapy, try to create an environment where he feels emotionally safe. Use "I" statements (e.g., "I feel worried when I see you struggling") rather than statements that might feel like criticism.
2. Validate His Feelings Without Enabling Avoidance – Let him know that you recognize his struggles but also that ignoring them won’t make them disappear. Sometimes, just acknowledging emotions can be the first step toward seeking help.
3. Normalize Therapy and Mental Health Discussions – He may resist therapy because of stigma or misconceptions. Sharing stories of people who benefited from therapy or even suggesting self-help resources (like books, mindfulness exercises, or journaling) can help ease him into the idea.
4. Prioritize Your Own Emotional Well-being – You’re in a relationship, but you’re also an individual with your own needs. If his avoidance continues to affect your happiness, ask yourself whether you’re willing to stay in a dynamic where emotional connection is limited.
5. Couples Therapy as an Alternative Approach – If he’s resistant to personal therapy, sometimes couples therapy feels less intimidating. Framing it as a way to strengthen your relationship, rather than focusing on “fixing” him, might be a more appealing approach.
At the end of the day, you can offer support, but you can’t force someone to change. The question is: Are you willing to wait for him to realize this on his own, or do you need more for your own happiness? If you’d like personalized guidance on navigating this situation, I’d be happy to help.
Next Steps
1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation – Choose a calm moment to talk to your fiancé about your concerns. Instead of insisting on therapy, focus on expressing how his behavior is affecting you and your relationship. Let him know that you’re there to support him, not to pressure him.
2. Encourage Small Steps – If therapy feels like a big step for him, suggest smaller ways to work on his anxiety, such as reading self-help books, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in stress-reducing activities together.
3. Set Boundaries for Your Own Well-being – While it’s great that you want to support him, your happiness matters too. If his avoidance is affecting you emotionally, think about what you need from this relationship and communicate it clearly.
4. Consider Couples Therapy – If he’s reluctant to seek individual therapy, couples therapy can be a more approachable way to address communication issues and relationship concerns together.
5. Seek Professional Guidance for Yourself – If you’re feeling emotionally exhausted, talking to a therapist (such as myself) can help you navigate this situation and decide how to move forward in a way that prioritizes both your fiancé’s well-being and your own.
If you’d like, I can guide you through this process and help you develop strategies that make these conversations more effective. You don’t have to handle this alone.
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If she’s not ready for counseling, explore self-help resources (like books, mindfulness, or online support groups) together.Take care of your own emotional health too. It’s admirable that you want to support her, but you deserve happiness as well.
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kindly consider counseling
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connect
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Hi
Thanks for reaching out. Your fiancée is showing signs of anxiety and depression. You can talk to her and ask her what is bothering her. You can ask her what is bothering her at a time when she is in a good mood. You are also concerned that she is refusing to see a counsellor. At present she might not want to see a counsellor and avoid putting pressure on her. Give your fiancee space and you can talk about general stuff. For now just be there for her.
I understand you are worried about your fiancée, for now give her space, and talk about general fun stuff. You can tell your fiancée you are there for her if she wants to talk about anything. Don’t force her for therapy sessions, for now give her space and she will seek therapy sessions when she wants to..
Try to take care of yourself and your well-being.
Next Steps
Give your fiancée space and let her seek therapy sessions at a time when she is comfortable.
Health Tips
Contact me for counselling sessions. Along with counselling I can suggest natural foods to calm the mind.
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It’s understandable that you’re feeling troubled and conflicted. You care deeply about your fiancée, and it’s difficult to see her struggling while also resisting help. Her avoidance and masking of emotions through humor might be a way to cope with her inner distress, and forcing the idea of counseling might make her feel pressured.
Instead of convincing her directly, try approaching it in a way that makes her feel safe. Express your concerns through “I” statements, such as “I feel worried when I see you struggling, and I wish I knew how to support you better.” This keeps the conversation open rather than making her feel like she’s being pushed.
You could also introduce mental health topics in casual ways—through books, articles, or even personal experiences. Sometimes, seeing someone else benefit from therapy makes it less intimidating.
At the same time, your feelings matter too. If her refusal to seek help is affecting your emotional well-being, it’s important to reflect on what you need from this relationship in the long run.
Next Steps
•Create a safe space for open conversations without making her feel pressured.
•Share stories, books, or resources on mental health that might encourage her to reflect.
•Consider leading by example—if she sees you valuing mental health, she may be more open to it.
•If her struggles are impacting your well-being, seek guidance for yourself to process your emotions.
Health Tips
•Avoid pushing therapy directly; instead, gently introduce the idea in a way that respects her autonomy.
•Be patient—accepting help can be a slow process, and she may need time to come to this realization on her own.
•Take care of yourself too. It’s okay to set boundaries if this situation is affecting your emotional health.
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Ms. Amita Chaudhary
Clinical Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Gurgaon
First of all I would like to appreciate you for reaching out for help.
I can understand the emotional turmoil you are going through. First step look after yourself, avoid getting into conversations that may turn into arguments when your partner is not in a receptive state. Try and modify the approach. Ask for her help in navigating the challenges. This way she would not feel judged and would be willing to open for a new perspective of things.
Next Steps
Book for couple counseling session.
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Instead of saying that she needs a professional support you could mention it by saying that to work our relationship it is better to meet or consult a therapist ..
Probably that might ease her from the apprehension blame game ..
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For more details you can reach me.
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Sanjana Purdhani
Psychologist
2 yrs exp
Delhi
Itâs evident that you deeply care about your fiancée and want to support her, but her avoidance of serious conversations and reluctance to seek help is making you question the future of your relationship. Anxiety and depression often make people resistant to change, especially when acknowledging struggles feels overwhelming. She may be using humor as a defense mechanism to avoid confronting difficult emotions.
At the same time, forcing someone into counseling rarely worksâpersonal readiness is key. Whatâs equally important is your well-being; a relationship where one partner consistently avoids emotional depth can leave the other feeling lonely and unfulfilled.
Next Steps
Use "I" statements to express feelings instead of making it about her Instead of âYou need helpâ, try âI feel disconnected when we canât talk about serious things. I want us to have a strong emotional connection.â Ease her into the idea of therapy without making it feel like a demand Example: If sheâs resistant to therapy, suggest reading a book or watching a TED Talk together about anxiety or mental health (e.g., "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown). Lead by example If she refuses therapy, consider going yourself and casually sharing insights, so she sees it as helpful rather than intimidating. Normalize vulnerability through small conversations Example: Instead of jumping into deep topics suddenly, talk about your own stress or struggles in a way that invites her to share rather than avoid. Respect boundaries, but set your own too If her emotional unavailability is making you unhappy, acknowledge that you also deserve a partner who meets your emotional needs.
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Kindly consult for further steps
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Mr. Vijay Kumar
Psychologist
30 yrs exp
Navi Mumbai
In most cases needing professional help from a psychologist or a psychiatrist, especially in our societies, the person needing it and a lot of people close to that person will avoid it. Our collective social awareness on mental health remains grossly inadequate even today. In the case of the patient, the attempt at rejecting treatment outrightly is often a major part of the symptoms.
In the case of your fiancee, the avoidance of a consultation with a psychologist may be stemming from social fears and the anxiety about its possibly negative outcomes. Hence you may try to make the consultation a 'premarital guidance session' for both of you and not a diagnostic visit for her alone. Give her the confidence that the visit will be kept as a secret forever between both of you. If it does not work out at all, please make it to a psychologist all by yourself and discuss the situation. This will give you a fair picture of what you need to do or should not do, considering that a married life with any of the spouses having significant mental health distress is likely to be very difficult. On the other hand, please remember, no one has a perfect state of mental health ever. What we need to look for in married life is long-term compatibility in which the psychologist may be able to provide you a clearer perception.
Next Steps
Try to convert the visit to the psychologist as a routine premarital guidance session. If it does not work out, make it all by yourself and get guided.
Health Tips
Please keep in mind the adverse consequences of having a life partner with significant and chronic mental health issues. On the other hand, please remember that the larger matter is compatibility as there is no perfect state of mental health in anyone.
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