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Confused what to do
I had a break up from my 12yrs relationship in January this year. Months have passed but I am not feeling good at all. I am not able to detach completely. Thoughts about her keep on going in my mind. I don't feel happy in doing any kind of work even my favourite works also. I am not able to focus on any work. I just don't know what has happened to me and how this is going to be fine? Sometimes I feel ok but other times I feel low, listening to sad songs etc.
I am confused whether I should consult a doctor regarding this ? If yes then to whom ? Or will this get ok by time itself?
Plz guide me what should I do ?
Answers (17)
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Hi,
I hear that with the break up of a 12 year old relationship has been a difficult experience for you. It's understandable that when you invest that kind of time and energy in a relationship and it comes to an end, the grief that comes along is painfully human. It can hit in waves. It can take a while before everything feels normal again.
But during this time taking care of yourself, leaning on a support system can greatly impact grief processing.
Therapy can also be an excellent space to organise your thoughts and feelings around this experience. It can also be an opportunity to come out of this with deeper understanding and integration of yourself.
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you can consult with me if you choose to work towards your wellbeing.
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After a 12-year relationship, it is completely natural that the person is struggling to detach emotionally. Breakups of long-term relationships often affect concentration, motivation, sleep, mood, and interest in daily activities. The mind keeps replaying memories because it is trying to process loss and change.
What you are experiencing may improve gradually with time, but since it is already affecting your daily functioning and emotional well-being, consulting a mental health professional would be beneficial. A psychologist or counselor can help you process emotions, rebuild routine, improve coping skills, and prevent isolation or prolonged depression.
Some immediate suggestions: • Avoid isolating himself completely
• Maintain a daily routine even if motivation is low
• Reduce overexposure to sad music/content that keeps emotions stuck
• Stay connected with supportive people
• Exercise, sleep, and regular meals are important for emotional recovery
• Journaling or talking openly about feelings can help
You should seek professional help sooner if symptoms become severe such as hopelessness, panic, sleep/appetite changes, or thoughts of self-harm.
Healing after such a long relationship takes time, but with support and healthy coping, recovery is possible.
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Hi, having intention to heal is the first step towards progress. Facing breakup and mom's death is causing emotional disturbance and slowly this will lead to isolation and emotional void within you.
Understand that you have taken essential steps to manage your relationship and have taken care of your mother. You have done everything under your control and since things had happened outside the control, you're mind is trying to be responsible for that and might be thinking about multiple what-ifs and keeps you in a loop.
Consult a psychologist who can help you with releasing the emotions and improve emotional stability to focus on your life.
Next Steps
Some practical tips to follow:
Develop Acceptance by understanding the fact that you've done your responsibility.
Stop taking responsibility for what is beyond your control.
Practice breathing techniques like pranayama that improves blood flow to your brain and keeps you calmer.
At this point try not to fix anything in your life.
Involve yourself in self-love activities like grooming, skin care routine, fitness activities, travelling, shopping etc.
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Consultation with me is advised
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Hi, Consult a psychologist
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Hi,
Itâs understandable to feel overwhelmed after such a long relationship. Your feelings of sadness, difficulty focusing, and emotional ups and downs are common after a breakup. Itâs important to take care of your mental health.
Yes, consider consulting a mental health professional like a psychologist or counselor who can help you process these emotions and guide you through this period. Healing takes time, but professional support can make it easier.
In the meantime, try to engage in small activities, talk to trusted friends or family, and avoid excessive listening to sad songs. Be patient with yourselfâthings can improve with time and support.
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consult
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seek help
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It seems to be a relationship induced post traumatic psychological changes leading to depression.
It needs to be treated asap otherwise it may get complicated and can affect your personal and social life.
It can be well treated in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
It needs to be treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively and without any side effects.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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Connect with psychologist to resolve inner solution
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Hi, thank you for sharing your feelings. It sounds emotionally overwhelming and painful for you. Being in a relationship for 12 years creates deep emotional attachment, so it is understandable that moving on feels very difficult right now.
Even though months have passed, the memories, thoughts, and emotional connection are still affecting you deeply. Because of this, you may be feeling emotionally exhausted, lonely, distracted, and unable to enjoy things the way you used to.
Healing after a long-term breakup takes time, and it is okay if you are not feeling completely fine yet. Try not to isolate yourself. Focus on taking small steps in your daily routine such as maintaining proper sleep, eating regularly, staying physically active, and staying connected with trusted people.
Instead of forcing yourself to “move on” immediately, allow yourself to heal gradually. If these feelings continue to affect your daily life, concentration, sleep, or emotional wellbeing, consulting a counselling psychologist can be helpful. Therapies like CBT or supportive counselling may help you process your emotions and cope in a healthier way.
Be patient with yourself. Recovery is gradual, and with support and consistency, things can improve over time.
Warm Regards
Dr Namita Ranjan
Counselling Psychologist
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Ms. Riddhi Ruchwani
Counselling Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Bangalore
Kindly reach out for therapy sessions
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Mr. Prem Kumar
Psychologist
7 yrs exp
Hyderabad
I can feel you…
Just acknowledge every thought related to her will come to your mind. Because they are related to your past event, so they stored in the form of memories.
You just need to let go those memories or thoughts so that they become weak. At the same time you need to focus on your goals, focus on living in the present moment, and create new memories.
Please consult psychologists to get the help.
Next Steps
Consult Psychologist
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Ms. Poornima Waghmare
Mental Health Counselor
23 yrs exp
Mumbai
Yes,I can understand your problem.Please consult with psychologist .It will be helpful for you..
Thanks
Poornima
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If you want to consult ..please concern
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"Sahi guidance se aap apni problem solve kr sakte hai..1- to-1session jaruri hai..
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Ms. Gunjan Joshi
Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Bangalore
12 years is not a small relationship. Your mind and heart were attached to this person for a very long time, so what you are feeling right now does not mean something is wrong with you.
Honestly, after such a deep breakup, many people feel exactly like this — thoughts looping in the mind, no interest in work, inability to focus, suddenly feeling low, listening to sad songs, feeling okay one day and completely heavy the next day.
Right now your system is still emotionally attached and trying to adjust to a huge loss. That process can take time.
But since it is affecting your daily life and inner peace so much, I would suggest you do talk to a mental health professional instead of handling it all alone. A trauma informed psychologist would be the right person to start with.
I generally tell my clients who go through breakup and are grieving that healing usually does not happen by forcing yourself to forget someone. It happens slowly — by talking, processing emotions, rebuilding routine, and reconnecting with yourself little by little.
Next Steps
For now, try not to stay alone with your thoughts all the time. Keep some structure in your day even if motivation is low. Meet people you trust. Eat and sleep properly. And when the sadness comes, don’t fight it too much or judge yourself for still missing her.
You are grieving a big emotional chapter of your life. Be patient with yourself. This phase can improve, especially with support.
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Feel free to reach out to me whenever you feel comfortable, if you would like to discuss this further or need support in understanding what you are going through.
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Ms. Jesin John
Counselling Psychologist
22 yrs exp
Hyderabad
Navigating relationship issues and the pain of a breakup requires a balance between processing difficult emotions and rebuilding your individual life.Dealing with the immediate aftermath of a split,can cause disruption to your routine and self-esteem which can be completely overwhelming.Professional counseling can provide neutral ground and effective tools for mending emotional scars.
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Ms. Sheetal Wadile Kusumbe
Counselling Psychologist
25 yrs exp
Palghar
Hello,
Thank you for sharing your concern here.
12 years is more than a decade of growing together. Processing the event shall take time and the vaccum it has built in your life is understandable. Awareness and regulation of your emotions in a balanced manner is significant.
However, you can overcome it by taking counseling sessions to achieve a closure that shall help you move ahead peacefully.
Normalising the new life is possible when you heal progressively and are able to make space for the new experiences in your professional and personal life.
You can consult for further professional guidance.
I wish you holistic wellness.
Happy Healthy Living!
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Ms. Pooja Bhargava
Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Delhi
What you are feeling sounds more like grief after deep attachment than weakness. If your sleep, work or daily functioning keeps getting affected for many weeks, talking to a psychologist can help you heal and move forward
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Mr. Vaibhav Singh
Counselling Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Mumbai
Hi, please consider consulting a psychologist
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