I'm very sorry to hear about your distress. What you're describing- persistent emotional trauma, panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts- is very serious and deserves immediate attention and care. You are not alone, and help is available. The thoughts and feelings you’re having are symptoms of emotional injury, not personal weakness. Please do not blame yourself.
You may be suffering from trauma-related anxiety or depression, and these conditions are treatable. It's important that you speak to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist as soon as possible. You deserve a safe space and professional support to heal and feel better.
Next Steps
1. Seek help from a nearby mental health professional (psychiatrist/psychologist)
2. If suicidal thoughts persist, visit the emergency department or call a mental health helpline
3. Ask a trusted adult to accompany you if family support isn’t available
Health Tips
Your breathing difficulties may be linked to anxiety or panic. Learn grounding techniques like slow breathing, 5-4-3-2-1 sensory exercises, or journaling.
Avoid isolating yourself; talk to someone daily, even if briefly.
This pain is not forever- with professional care, things can and do get better.