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Relationship boundary
I Have been in 6 years of marriage. With mostly downs and rare ups. Thought of leaving him this new year but went back again after 4 months 0f stying separate. Been 1 month of staying with him, having boundaries, not talking to in-laws- their fault i separated. Now although i have much less expectations but still it hurts sometimes that he prefers others over me. Specially when it comes to my family, he behaves like a stranger to them just because i don't talk to his , although it was their fault always . I only came back because i thought i will be able to maintain a boundary, but i think i am not 100% successful. Some times it does hurt, i don't want to be a people pleaser again.
Answers (11)
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I hear that you are experiencing a turbulent marriage. As you said, that the ups are very less compared to the downs. And it seems like the costs are greater than the benefits. Sometimes when relationships don't meet our emotional needs and they become untenable, yet patterns of our attachment system can shape how we tolerate, stay or leave relationships that are not meeting our needs. It helps to explore these patterns and address them to build a greater sense of choice over compulsive attachment. Talking to a therapist who is attachment trauma informed can significantly improve your sense of self, relational patterns and healthy communication of needs.
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Consultation with me is advised
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You have shown a lot of strength in trying to rebuild your relationship while protecting your peace. Setting boundaries takes time, so it’s okay if you are not perfect at it yet. Your feelings are valid, especially when you feel emotionally unsupported.
Try to focus on clear communication, self-respect, and your emotional well-being. You do not have to become a people pleaser again to keep a relationship working. Small, healthy steps matter.
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You are undergoing a lot of psychological changes for sure. It needs to be addressed asap otherwise it may get complicated and can affect your personal and social life.
It needs to be addressed in a holistic approach for complete recovery.
It can be well treated with counseling sessions and homeopathic medicine effectively and without any side effects if required.
You need an expert Psychologist who is a good homeopathic physician.
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I have been working as a Homeopathic Psychiatrist and Counseling psychologist for the last 17 years of experience. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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You have been emotionally overwhelmed for a long time, and it’s understandable that maintaining boundaries still feels difficult. Wanting respect, emotional support, and balance in a relationship does not make you a people pleaser.
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Since these patterns seem emotionally exhausting and repetitive, it may help to explore them more deeply in therapy and understand what is keeping you stuck despite your efforts. You can consider booking a consultation with me if you would like professional guidance and support through this process.
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Hi, how are you? Thanks for reaching out.
What you’re feeling makes sense. Even after coming back with boundaries and fewer expectations, somewhere you still want to feel emotionally chosen and respected, especially when it comes to your family. That doesn’t make you a people pleaser. It just means the hurt is still there.
Boundaries are not about becoming emotionless. They are about not losing yourself again while handling the relationship. The goal is not “I should never feel hurt,” but “I can feel hurt without abandoning myself.” Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
It sounds like you're going through a difficult and emotional journey, trying to balance your boundaries, feelings, and the complexities of your marriage. It's natural to feel hurt when your partner seems distant or prefers others over you, especially given the history of challenges and your efforts to establish boundaries. Remember, healing and change take time, and it's important to prioritize your emotional well-being. Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist who can help you process these feelings, strengthen your boundaries, and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationshipâwhether that means rebuilding your marriage or gaining clarity on whatâs best for you. Itâs okay to prioritize your happiness and not be a people pleaser anymore.
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Ms. Sheetal Wadile Kusumbe
Counselling Psychologist
25 yrs exp
Palghar
Hello,
Thank you for sharing your concern here.
I appreciate the resilience you have shown with the six years struggle in the ups and downs of your marriage.
You have made your efforts and they have paid off to some extent.
However, there are some areas where you still seek fulfillment and you can certainly progress in that direction.
Counseling sessions can help you to draw the thin line between your relation as a couple and other family dynamics.
When you tread the acceptance and expectation in a relationship in a balanced manner, it can be mutually agreeable and peaceful.
This can make both of you take ownership and operate as a team when faced with any challenges.
You can consult for further professional guidance.
I wish you progressive healing and holistic wellness.
Happy Healthy Living!
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Ms. Riddhi Ruchwani
Counselling Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Bangalore
Kindly reach out for therapy sessions
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
19 yrs exp
Bangalore
Kindly connect with psychologist
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Ms. Pooja Bhargava
Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Delhi
A part of you wants to make this relationship work but another part feels emotionally tired from constantly adjusting. Try not to ignore that exhaustion. Healthy relationships may require compromise but they should not require you to continuously silence your own emotional needs
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Notice whether you feel emotionally safer over time or just more emotionally numb while adjusting. You can reach out to a psychologist to help you in this
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