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Not interested to live..

Hello doctor, I'm 20 years old. My life has never been one smooth journey so far. There's nothing in my life to look back and cherish. I had discontinued my studies a long ago. I'm home alone for the past four years. Shame, guilt, embarrassment, mental abuse, low self esteem, Negative body image, mental abuse, physical abuse, long term mental illness, etc are the words mostly associated with my life. My mother had died why I was 2 years old. My father has remarried and abandoned me since then. I was brought up by my grandfather who is 82 years old now. Despite his age, he is taking care of me very well. I'm dying every second. My mind is killing me in thousand ways it could. I feel shame and embarrassed everywhere I go. Some people are pointing toward me and laughing(this is not my imagination, it is real). I know people who like to laugh. I'm someone who always likes to cry. Is it possible to forget/erase all my past and to start a new life by focusing on good things? Help me.Thankyou
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Doctor Answers (1) on Not interested to live..

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Ms. Hema Sampath Bangalore | Clinical Psychologist
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Hello my dear, I am there looking out for you. This entire world is waiting for you to take and do something for yourself. God has been so kind in the form of your grandfather. He has made you to survive till date. What is the gratitude you think that you can show it o him. It's not money dear it's about living and giving back the same kind of support where anybody is his in need like you. Find and understand and accept that you have come to this world with some purpose. Identify it. Nobody will tell you that you have to do this and that. I feel you have a wonderful knowledge and and communication skills in the mag which you have sent. Way to go dear. If possible meet some good counsellor an get motivated forever. Happy living.
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