Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Now!

I think I have this disorder from my childhood, also I have OCD on so many things, thoughts and people, always envious towards anyone including loving and caring persons, no control, can't focus on anything, learn anything, dull headed, have no clear picture or plan about future, not married yet, never felt happiness, can't understand people, don't respect and love anyone, no feeling of sympathy about anyone, only sucks happiness from people, I am not a human being rather a deamon, too many bad thoughts or wish against happy people, no confidence, no sense of self, can't decide anything and forgetting everything which is so frustrating, too much anger, hatred. Please I don't want to live like a deamon, I know I am too weak and so many many fears are there, fear of being alone, being hatred, death, please I want to live. I was facing anxiety and depression 3 4 months earlier and I consulted a Doctor through practo who suggested me nexito 10 for 10 days, it worked but now