Li have sucidal thought less focus.

I qm 20 year old i have been facing problem in talking with ppl around me . I get too much anxipus while talking in phone such that i get twitching. Whenever i need to call i have to thought a lot before what to speak and how to speak same happens when someone comes home i am not able to talk to them i am uncomfortable with people around me. I am having tough time in remembering and recalling thing .i am fearfull of travelling in metro bus. I tend to avoid place with people . When there arr people looking at my direction or tslking near me i feel they are talking about me making my fun. I know its quite illogical but i cant help it. I constantly have sucidal thoughts..i have mood swings .i constantly have a change in mindset. Nowdays i am getting dull my mindi have stop thinking sometimes. I just wany to live alone as it gives me peacr i love to rrad e novels a lot of Xianxia category it keeps me distract ed of all thinhs and i am facing it since my class 12th just intensity increa