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Husband not interested in intimacy
2 years into the marriage initial months were good there was romance then it reduced to a level where he has stopped kissing me while making love, no foreplay . Cut to i got pregnant he didn't touch me much in pregnancy once or twice that too for like 5 mins. he got into an affair where sex was not in the picture but makeout & oral was. Caught him before he could do anything it all happnd in 3rd trimester. 6 months postpartum even now he is avoiding intimacy, he makes excuses &doesn't lemme touch him. Says we dont have sexual compatibility, sometimes he says he hasn't moved on from his ex, he's not much into sexual stuff, he acts moody. He's not even ready to go to marriage counsellor or any doc iam so frustrated at this point why is he avoiding me when he is supposed to b putting efforts into the marriage. He seems disinterested in our marriage. he's having chest pain since our intimacy has reduced. any of these could be the rsn he's avoiding me. Anything related to heart n sugar???
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Consult a psychologist asap.
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Consult psychotherapist
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Thank you for sharing your experience so openly. Itâs completely understandable to feel heartbroken, confused, and emotionally drained when intimacy fades, especially after infidelity and during a timeâlike pregnancy and postpartumâwhen support and closeness are so essential.
The emotional distance youâre describing, combined with the refusal to seek help, suggests a serious disconnect in the relationship that wonât likely resolve on its own. Your questions are very validâyes, things like heart issues, hormonal imbalances, or chronic stress can affect libido. But when thereâs a consistent emotional withdrawal, avoidance of intimacy, and unwillingness to work on the marriage, those are signs of deeper relational or psychological resistance.
Hereâs what I want to reassure you of:
This situation is not your fault. Intimacy in a relationship should be mutual, safe, and emotionally fulfilling. If youâre feeling rejected, unseen, or unvalued, those feelings matter and deserve space.
You donât have to wait for him to come around to get support. Even if he isnât open to therapy, you can begin individual counselling. Therapy can help you:
Process betrayal and emotional abandonment
Understand your needs and boundaries
Build clarity about what you're willing to carryâand what you're not
Explore next steps from a place of strength, not confusion
Iâm a clinical psychologist, and Iâd be glad to support you in navigating this painful space. Whether itâs working through grief, trauma, rebuilding self-worth, or exploring decisions around your relationship, you donât have to do this alone.
If you'd like to begin, Iâm here for you.
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Connect with a clinical psychologist/ mental health professional
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You can call on 9660-912-430
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You deserve love, respect, and partnership—not emotional isolation. If he continues to deny you connection and refuses help, it’s okay to consider your own emotional safety and future as a priority. Seeking support doesn’t mean giving up—it means choosing you when someone else refuses it
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Hi
You’ve been carrying the weight of rejection, betrayal, and now confusion, while also managing new motherhood. That’s too much for anyone to carry alone.
To answer your question: yes, sometimes health issues like heart problems or sugar (diabetes) can reduce sexual desire or cause discomfort but that cannot explain betrayal, emotional detachment, and repeated avoidance of intimacy, counseling, and accountability. What’s more likely here is emotional disengagement, avoidance, and maybe even unresolved guilt on his end. His inconsistent reasons from “not over ex” to no compatibility are ways of dodging deeper issues, not addressing them.
You deserve clarity, care, and equal effort in this marriage. Right now, you’re the only one trying. Whether it’s individual therapy for you or couple therapy later connect you need a space to process this and protect your self-respect. Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five
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Hi,
Itâs understandable that youâre feeling frustrated and hurt given the lack of intimacy and your husband's emotional distance. His avoidance of physical closeness, especially after the affair and during a stressful postpartum period, could stem from various factors, including emotional issues, unresolved feelings about the past, or underlying health concerns such as chest pain, which might be related to heart or sugar levels. Stress, anxiety, or even depression can also affect a person's desire for intimacy and mood. Itâs important for him to consult a healthcare professional to rule out any medical issues like heart problems or blood sugar levels, especially given his chest pain. While he may be unwilling to see a counselor now, encouraging open communication about both of your feelings and concerns is vital. If he continues to avoid addressing these issues, seeking support from a counselor or therapist individually might help you gain clarity and find ways to cope. Prioritising your emotional health and ensuring his health issues are properly evaluated is crucial.
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Hi there,
It’s understandable to feel confused and hurt when intimacy fades in a marriage, especially after starting a family. You’ve tried to connect, but his distancing, excuses, and refusal to seek help can feel deeply frustrating and isolating.
Emotional and physical disconnection can stem from many issues which may include stress, unresolved feelings, health concerns, or emotional incompatibility. His chest pain also shouldn’t be ignored and may need a medical check-up.
You’ve already made great efforts. It might help to talk to a psychologist on your own first, for support, clarity, and strength. Sometimes, starting with ourselves can create the shift we need. Then we could do a root cause analysis on his lack of intimacy interest. Take care
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
One thing is for sure, that you are not at fault here. It is his barrier, that is making him resist this marriage. Ask him if he is going through stress or anxiety or biological problems related to intimacy.
Does he involve himself in alcohol or smoking. These things affect the moods of the person, especially the intimacy.
Now, when it comes to you, you deserve space too, especially during post partum. Your hormones, moods and emotions will be all over the place and would make you feel more less about yourself. The more you blame yourself or think that it might be coz of you, you will make things worse for yourself.
Happy to help
Contact me at eight three six eight zero five three seven one zero
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Ms. Avleen Kaur
Clinical Psychologist
3 yrs exp
Delhi
Thank you for opening up about something so deeply personal. It’s understandable to feel hurt and confused when emotional and physical intimacy changes in a relationship, especially after childbirth. His avoidance may stem from unresolved emotional issues, possible psychological distress, or physical health concerns like stress, heart issues, or even low testosterone. However, his refusal to seek help or attend counseling is concerning and creates imbalance. At this stage, your emotional needs matter—consider seeking individual therapy to process this pain and decide the next steps for your well-being. You’re not alone in this.
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To consult a psychologist for the same.
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