Disgusting life. What should i do now?

I understand your difficult situation. However more clarity is needed regarding your problem to decide on the severity of your condition. Putting up with the feeling that your loved one is hesitating to marry you will indeed be distressful. Don't worry it is easily manageable with appropriate suggestions, so that dysfunction due to the same can be reduced and your quality of life will improve. Some counselling sessions and if needed medical help might be useful for you. My clinic is at OMR chennai. I would also be more than happy to help you with that if you are looking for online assistance. Discussions will be held confidential. You can directly consult with me through Practo as needed. Online chat consultation is also available.