Depression. It haunts me like anything.

The thing is that I am skeptical about my partner almost all d time. But it's not the fact that I don't believe him. I may be the fact that he behaves exactly the normal way one should do. But I have put some bars previously which has become a major problem. Now when I tell him he feels annoyed and things are not smooth anymore. I have very few friends means very very few whom m attached with but in that case I do not share anything with them. I overthink and things become difficult for both of us to handle. I feel that no person on earth actually understands me. I feel that the things which I do not do y does he do and hurt me. I cry and cry. Many times I have tried to make him understand but failed. More to it he tells something abusive like I also and it becomes difficult to get sorted. It's not the thing that I do it intentionally but m fearful of losing him, losing those around. I have lost many people already and it haunts me like anything.