Depression. For his sexual desires only.

I feel am suffering from depression and i am being paranoid about my family.I have been married in Feb 2017 and since then my husband is struggling.He lost his job and then he started his business where also he failed.Now he has been abroad in search of a job.I know he has been trying hard for both of us.But still i keep blaming him for leaving me alone.Though somewhere in my brain i know he is right and i am wrong,still whenever i talk to him i keep abusing him.I cry all the time and find it hard to sleep.And once i smoked marijuana joint and it made me feel better. But I don't wanna get dependent on these things. I don't like talking to my parents, as i blame them for hitching me with a man who has left. Though my husband has promised me that once he gets the job he'll keep me with him.And he loves me too, i know that.But when i talk to him i try to make him realise that he has wronged me and at times I feel that he has some other plans and he need me for his sexual desires only.