default-icon
Depressed but won't go for therapy
My boyfriend has been displaying signs of severe depression and stress ever since the start of this year. Most of it is work-related, since he feels dejected and inadequate over not being able to land his dream jobs/offers. We are in a long distance relationship and I am a diagnosed patient of anxiety disorder, on medication. I really want to help him gain a positive outlook and battle his depression but he is not willing to go for therapy. I am really scared and worried about him. What to do?
66 Views v

Answers (6)

Like the answers? Consult privately with the doctor of your choice

the most you can do to help him is try to convince him to take required help from professionals. visit any psychologist of his choice. if he is hesitant to visit them because of fear of being judged then he can talk to them on call first and if he feels comfortable with then then he can visit them in person. many are even offering teleconsultations these days.
Answered
Flag this Answer
Flag this answer
Let others know if this answer was helpful
Was this answer helpful?

Didn't find the answer you are looking for?

Talk to experienced doctor online and get your health questions answered in just 5 minutes.

doctor profile image doctor profile image doctor profile image doctor profile image +143
Consult with a doctor
Online now
Dear Rising Star, Thanks for writimg. Appreciate seeking help for your loved one. Hope you are taking counselling support along with medicines. Researches indicate that medicines along with counselling or psychotherapy can foster recovery faster. I am sure you might have guided him and suggested to seek psychological help. When everything fails, then do not lose hope. Let translate your fears into prayer and well wishes. Pray for his better health, faster recovery and wisdom to take right decision. No doubt that you are concerned about him and caring. Let this concern help him seek help and recover. Rise and Shine, Apurva
Next Steps
Take care of your self. Stay connected with him and family. Pray for yourself and him. Prayers are powerful. It gives strength and normalizes anxiety. Avoid judging others too fast and too much. Avoid  imposing your concerns and fear to him. It would be too much to handle for him For doing these, counselling will be useful.
Answered
Flag this Answer
Flag this answer
Let others know if this answer was helpful
Was this answer helpful?
Try and convince him. Thats the most u can do.. Or you take therapy and take him along so he gets comfortable Consult with me or any psychologist for therapy and counseling online All the best :)
Answered
Flag this Answer
Flag this answer
Let others know if this answer was helpful
Was this answer helpful?
Hi, Thank you for reaching out, I understand it is a difficult situation as you are in long distance relationship, but try to understand why he feels reluctant some ppl may avoid therapy for fear of being considered "weak" or "crazy" by those who stigmatize therapy. It’s also possible that the depressed person may not be aware he or she is ill – and that the illness likely is treatable. It can be helpful to share a symptom list of depression so that your loved one can recognize what is going on. You might say something like, “Some of the things that are concerning to me is that you haven’t gone to the gym in over a month, and you usually go three times a week.” ( just an example)
Next Steps
Be empathetic and nonjudgmental, possibly talk to his friends and family
Health Tips
Exploring the reasons why someone may avoid treatment can be a good place to start, as well as normalizing mental health issues and treatment
Answered
Flag this Answer
Flag this answer
Let others know if this answer was helpful
Was this answer helpful?
Thanks for reaching out for help. The first thing you need to understand is that the need for taking help should germinate in him. Any forceful gesture from your side to coax him into taking help might not be productive. Instead, try to gently ask him how he can solve his issues. All by himself. Then you can suggest to him to try out therapy and as a person who has experienced it yourself, tell him how it has madenyou better.
Next Steps
Very gently approach the subject with him and do not try to label his condition as one or the other. The professionally trained psychologist will do it. Let him get confident that therapy will help him and then you can broach further.
Health Tips
If he is conscious of directly taking help, you can ask him to try out video consultations with me or any counselling psychologist of his choice and see if it is beneficial to him. Tell him that there is nothibg wrong in dealing with mental health issues as they will inevitable make you open up and free your mind.
Answered
Flag this Answer
Flag this answer
Let others know if this answer was helpful
Was this answer helpful?
Here are a few suggestions that could be helpful : When you begin to focus on what's calling for your attention and needs to be addressed within you, you will be able to overcome the challenges you are dealing with right now. You cannot drive out darkness dealing with it face-to-face. But once you light a candle, darkness automatically disappears. As you know, just like a healthy diet, regular physical activity and adequate rest contribute towards physical well being, there are practices that can help you take care of your psychological and emotional well being. Usually, we may tend to think that ' let me be in a good mood/let everything be perfect and then I'll do something that's good for me '. From your own experiences, you must be knowing that it's actually the reverse that works. Once you incorporate these practices in your daily routine, you will soon begin to see their impact in the way you think, feel and behave. When you examine the nature of thoughts that you experience from time to time, you will see that they tend to keep shifting their focus from one object/topic/event to another. Today they might be fixated on an event/person/topic. Tomorrow it could be another topic/event/person. Try thinking about nothing. You will see that you cannot have thoughts about nothing. Another important characteristic of thoughts is this - You may either have thoughts about the past or the future ( for instance, guilt about experiences deemed to be ' failures ' in the past or anxiety about what might happen in the future ). Try thinking about the present moment - you will see that you cannot have thoughts about the present moment. Sometimes, you may find yourself having very positive, inspiring thoughts. During other times, you may find yourself very emotional, or all charged for action. Whereas during other times, you may feel very lethargic, dull or lazy. These states may keep alternating. The first step towards mental health is to become aware of your thoughts. Learning to be an observer of your thoughts, learning to observe them from a distance like clouds passing in the sky. Just like how the clothes you are wearing right now are yours, but not you, thoughts that you experience from time to time are yours, but not you. The next step is knowing that you have the power to choose which thought you wish to focus on and act on and exercising that power. With practice, you will have better mastery over this process. When you repeatedly focus on a thought, say, a thought which is threatening or disturbing by nature and identify with it, believing it to be true, the corresponding emotion rises in your brain. It overpowers your capability to think rationally. The cycle repeats and hence you feel imprisoned by your own thoughts and emotions. As mentioned above, with practice, you will learn to focus and entertain only those thoughts that are healthy enough to be acted upon. You will also be able to be more aware of your emotions and this awareness will help you manage them better. Figuratively speaking, all emotions come through the same pipeline and hence you cannot and need not selectively block a few and welcome the others. Awareness puts you back in charge whereby you can channelize them better. Usually when we experience disturbing thoughts, we may tend to fight, resist or control them. Again, fighting a thought is like fighting a shadow. You can see it, but it's not real. Fighting a thought or emotion only gives it more power. Say, for instance, when someone asks you not to think of a pink elephant, the first thought that invariably comes to you is that of a pink elephant. Instead, what we can do is, learning to be an observer of such thoughts and emotions( that do not serve your highest good ) and not identify with them or act on them. Whatever you feed your mind through your sense organs have an impact on your psychological and emotional well being. Be conscious of this. Take care of the content you feed your mind - the kind of books you read, the websites you visit, the kind of music you listen to, the kind of food you eat, the kind of words you choose to speak about yourself and others, the kind of company you keep ( ' You are an average of five people you spend most of your time with ' - these five people need not be physically present. They could be role models who inspire you. ) Here is a breathing exercise that could help you : You may do this in the night once you have finished your tasks for the day : Inhale slowly to a count of four - hold your breath to a count of four - exhale slowly to a count of eight. Repeat this ten times. You may do this also in the morning before you begin your daily routine. Gently massage the back of your neck and the base of your scalp when you lie down to rest. Our attitude towards life in general and things in particular is based on our Beliefs - what we believe to be true about ourselves and the world. What are your core beliefs about yourself and the world? What are those beliefs on the basis of which you feel that you are not worthy enough to be deserving the right to lead the kind of life that you truly deserve to live ? Reflect on those situations which unsettle you the most. What are the thoughts that you typically experience in such situations ? What are the beliefs on the basis of which you keep considering those thoughts to reflect reality or the truth ? Try writing them down and examine the validity of these beliefs. Some of them may be limiting and negative in nature because of some of the feedback you might have received in the past - at home, in school, from your classmates, friends, relatives, etc. But once you are aware of them, you shed light on them,examine their truth, they can no longer manipulate your behavior or actions. As your beliefs change, your attitude changes, and words, actions and behavior follow. The next time you experience overwhelming thoughts or emotions, try observing the thoughts and sensations without judging them as threatening, knowing that it is like a wave that ebbs and falls and that it will pass. Keep your focus on your breathing throughout. You will see for yourself that with practice, you are able to manage such situations quite well. Please set aside time for exercise daily and try to eat healthy every time. Our challenges that seem to threaten our very existence are the ones that serve as fuel for our evolution.
Answered
Flag this Answer
Flag this answer
Let others know if this answer was helpful
Was this answer helpful?
Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.
Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.