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Behavioural query of 6y old boy
Hi... How to foster independence in my quite clingy 6y old boy.. ? He will be 6y next month and has a baby sister who is 1 y old.. He insists I do everything for him - bathe him, wash him after potty, feed him by hand, brush his teeth, wear him his clothes etc.. We cosleep at night along with our other baby..
When I day that you are now a big boy, your vlassmates do things themselves, you should too - he says he doesn't want to.. He is unwilling.
Husband least involved, stays out most of the time with work..
How to approach this..?
Answers (10)
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Hey
So glad u reached out.
Hmmmmm I can imagine that this is a challenging situation for u.
Hear me out …. Ur 6 ur old perhaps can do all the things u expect him to do. It’s possible that he doesn’t want to. And that’s perhaps because he feels like all your attention and love is now diverted from him to his sister.
It’s a very natural response of a child when suddenly his world changes from being the most imp person to his parents especially mother and now in many ways coming second in priority.
I know that ur doing ur best here to balance … I truly do.
Just see this from his shoes for a moment and see how it feels. It’s not his fault. Right ?
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Would u be able to connect for a audio or video consult ? Would like to help u thru this.
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Hello practo user.
This is because the child was getting all the needed attention till the birth of other baby.
Now all the attention goes to younger one
You can ask him to take care of this small baby n eventually will start taking his own responsibilities
You can take my online consulting session of 1 hour which will help you to parenting both kids
Google my name n book a session
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Hi
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consult
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consult
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Be consistent. Establish a daily routine so that your child knows what to expect. ...
Plan ahead. Run errands when your child isn't likely to be hungry or tired. ...
Let your child make appropriate choices. Avoid saying no to everything. ...
Praise good behavior. ...
Avoid situations likely to trigger tantrums.
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counseling
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connect
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I can imagine your situation and how it is overwhelming. Having a first child is so exciting, and people get obsessed with the parenting, obviously the kid get attached and expect all time service from parent.
You were providing continues services till the second child born.Once the second baby arrived, life turned too hard, as the sleepless nights increases, you seek some rest, but the older child can't digest the new change, so he refuses to do any thing though he is capable of doing them.
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in this situation the kid may not accept any teaching. Tell him stories about great soldiers, and importance of being responsibil person. instead of comparing with other children, encourage him to help you in caring the second kid, appreciate his work. slowly ask him to help you in kitchen or other house hold things, praise him for even a small work.
Health Tips
Never compare a child with someone.
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Hello,
I can understand your thoughts. It’s very common issue.
For this you have to be a child while treating with a child.
Lots of Do’s and Don’ts can spoil our interaction with child. We need to check what makes him to do such behaviour then we can decide our steps.
Next Steps
Book a session with me
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Be positive, connect more with child, praise him, give your time , check the atmosphere at home, keep motivating him for good behaviour.
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Hi, It seems he is insecure and anxious about the arrival of his baby sister. This behaviour is quite normal.Talk to him about his new responsibilities as a big brother and allow him to help you in looking after the baby sister.Help him to make new friends.You can allow him to look after the baby under your supervision.
If you think that he needs professional help consult a psychologist.
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Consult a psychologist for assessment
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This all depends upon habits, what you must have taught him from the beginning. Now also it's not too late , for developing habits you may coach him through a trainer because children sometimes ignore listening to parents. Don't worry much this can be handled plus you have got to be very polite and gentle for asking him to do anything. Add more love when you deal with him, also connect him with his other friends and do little conversations asking the other child who does this for you and at the same time when the child replies "I Do" so don't get in rush to teach your boy just let him hear on his own, while praising the other child but loving affectionately your own child . Let your child have this understanding but do not force or compare. Remember children need more of love to listen to you.
Hope this helps. Good luck
Next Steps
Get in touch with a trainer.
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Add more love and positivity in your approach to have everything fall in place .
for further assistance you can get in touch.
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Dr. Padam Kanwar Bhati (PhD)
Clinical Psychologist
17 yrs exp
Bangalore
No worries he is good he is still young boy . You can start with small tasks which you can also do and he can also . When we have another younger sibling, perception get change towards elder one as well as work too specially for mothers, Pls spend time with him for his work along with him which you want him to get train.
Next Steps
Spend good time with elder one
Health Tips
Child need to be train with parents help with permissive way .
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... He clearly says that he is not doing those tasks because he doesn't want to, and not because he can't do. There is not psychological or behavioural or developmental issue with your kid. He is just pushing his free will to the limits and trying to get your love and attention as much as he can. It is an expression of his love. First acknowledge it and tell him that you know he loves you and you love him as well. Then talk to him about your concerns and if he can do something about it. Give him a chance to be a reasonable kid. He may still choose to not do those tasks and keep exercising his free will but you have to be patient and convince him that you genuinely love and respect him unconditionally and that by doing those tasks he can make you very happy. Remember, he will respond to the love language more easily than to disciplining exercises.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
Parent Counselling is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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