Hi
Sometimes, this unhappiness emerges with time. Things that used to make you happy – closing a huuuuge deal with an important client, going on Instagram-worthy vacations, you name it – simply don’t fulfill you anymore. Or instead of being excited to wake up for work every morning, you start thinking, “Here we go again. Well…at least there’s only five more days until the weekend.”
In fact, I like to call this change the “mid-life malaise” because it seems to strike people once they’ve settled down into their lives and careers.
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How to Feel Happy Again: What You Can Do
I have a couple suggestions….
1. Pause and reflect.
I get it. Life is busy. Especially if you have a demanding job and are trying to have an active social and personal life, you’re probably running from one errand to the next all day long. But the first step to feeling happier about your life is actually stopping.
What do I mean? Just pause. Recognize that you’re having a difficult time. Recognize that these sad feelings suck and are hard to deal with. Offer yourself compassion…and consider the following scenario:
You’re enjoying a mint julep in your favorite local bar when you start chatting with the stranger sitting next to you. And suddenly, that person is spilling out their whoooole life story, saying, “I’ve kicked ass. I’ve worked like a monster my whole life, working as hard as possible. All. The. Time. I do my best to make my team happy, my family happy…but now I’m not feeling happy or fulfilled and I don’t know what to do about it!”
How would you react? Would you scream at them to “suck it up” and tell them that their feelings are “wrong”? Or would you remind them that they had good intentions, and they shouldn’t blame themselves for how they’re feeling now?
Let’s be honest – you’d do the latter! And you should show yourself the same kindness and care.
2. Find out what’s missing from your big picture.
In a perfect world, we’d all be born knowing exactly how much time to spend on different parts of our lives to make us completely happy. But neither the world nor we are perfect…so sometimes we need to reevaluate and reset our schedules!
“But Caitlin,” you’re probably thinking. “How do I figure out something that’s missing in the first place?”
Start by asking yourself these kinds of questions: “If you had one hundred million dollars in the bank right now, who would you choose to be and what would you choose to be doing? How would you spend your time, and what would you be putting out in the world? What work would you be doing – who with? Who would you not be working with? What would you be doing for yourself? Where would you live? Who with?”
Keep asking yourself, “What else? What else?” until you have a clear picture of the life and identity you actually want. And don’t just visualize what you want out of your job. Consider your family. Your body. Your friends. Your recreational activities. Your spirituality. Anything and everything related to you and your life and happiness.
And if you keep asking and asking, but still can’t nail down exactly what you really want, check out my Personal Happiness Formula workbook. In it, I take you through the exact, step-by-step process I use with clients to create abundant clarity and joy in their lives. This way, you can define happiness in your own terms and learn what concrete, practical steps you can take to live a happier life. Learn more by clicking here.
Once you know what happiness looks like to you, choose one or two areas in which your “perfect life” seems out of alignment with your real life. For instance, maybe you notice that you want to travel…but you never take time off of work. Then, take concrete action to make your real life look a little more like your dream life. Like by saying “no” to overtime and booking your dream vacay to Hawaii instead!
3. Open up to people.
I know. Opening up about your struggles and vulnerabilities is super scary especially if you always want to be seen as that “strong,” “has-it-all-together” amazing person. But reaching out to people that you trust and who may seem to have more balanced or more fulfilled lives can be a HUGE step in the right direction toward feeling happy again.
Telling others about the struggles you’re having right now will finally let you release all of that tension and fear and hurt you’ve been holding inside. Plus, asking for support lets you be vulnerable and cared for in a way that you probably haven’t let yourself be in a very long time but really need. It reminds you that you don’t have to be perfect or strong or “the helper” to be loved, worthy and acceptable. And that reminder can help you break free of the overachieving mindset that is contributing to your unhappiness in the first place.
What I Hope You Know About Feeling Unhappy With Your Life
One of the biggest takeaways I hope you get from this post is that you are allowed to be unhappy even if you “have everything.” Even if you’ve achieved “everything you’ve ever wanted.” Even if you were happy with your life a few years, months or even days ago!
In fact, like I’ve discussed in this whole post, having the never-ending drive to chase what you want in life and get it can actually be part of the reason why you’re not happy. So know that you aren’t “broken” or “wrong” for feeling this way. But also know that you can change…both your life and how you feel about it.
After all, you’ve already accomplished a TON in life, and you’ve shown you can kick plenty of ass! So I know that you are totally capable of finding your true happiness again. You just need to change your ultimate goal from achievement and perfection to peace and true fulfillment!