You need to discuss your problem with a Psychologist , who would give you a patient hearing / listening . You seemed to have gone into a negative zone of your thought process. Proper evaluation & guidance needs to be initiated .
Next Steps
Consult a senior , Licenced Psychologist at the earliest . You also need to get a complete health check up done medically to rule out any deficiencies !
Health Tips
Maintain a sound health mentally & physically .