This is a very common and difficult situation. Dealing with a loved one who seems resistant to help and whose behavior is causing distress in the family can be exhausting. It's important to approach this with compassion, strategic communication, and realistic expectations.
Initial Assessment and Reframing
The behavior you describe—being "irritating," taking things by "wrong assessment," and causing "disturbance"—often stems from deeper issues than simple stubbornness.
Shift the Focus from "Abnormal" to "Distressed": Instead of viewing her behavior as "abnormal," consider it a possible sign of underlying distress, anxiety, chronic stress, or a possible mood/personality change.
Acknowledge Resistance: Resistance to doctors or consultation is common, especially among older adults, as it can feel like a loss of control, an admission of weakness, or a fear of an unknown diagnosis (e.g., dementia).
Suggested Approach: The Gentle Intervention
Since she is not ready to consult doctors, the initial focus must be on indirect support and minimizing conflict to build a pathway to professional help.
1. Address the Problem, Not the Person
Avoid Confrontation: Do not challenge her "wrong assessments" directly or accuse her of causing disturbance. This will only increase her defensiveness.
Use "I" Statements: Instead of saying, "You always take things the wrong way," try, "I feel sad when we argue about this," or "I'm concerned because these family disturbances are stressing me/us out."
Focus on Physical Symptoms: If you must suggest a doctor, frame it around physical complaints, which are less threatening than mental health concerns.
Example: "You haven't been sleeping well lately, and that affects your focus. Let's see the family doctor for a general check-up and mention your sleep/headaches."
2. Strategic Family Communication
Designate One Primary Communicator (The "Soft" Voice): Identify the family member she trusts the most or is least antagonistic toward. This person should be the sole messenger for all gentle suggestions of care.
Establish Family Rules of Engagement: The rest of the family should agree to disengage when her "irritating" behavior begins. They should calmly say, "I hear you, and I need a moment," and leave the room. This prevents the disturbance from escalating and subtly communicates that her behavior is isolating.
Health Tips
Be Mindful of Cognitive Decline: Given the age (57) and the pattern of "wrong assessment," you must consider the early stages of a cognitive issue (e.g., dementia, which causes personality and judgment changes). Only a doctor can evaluate this.
Avoid Ultimatums: Pressuring her with "You must see a doctor" is highly likely to backfire. Keep the suggestions soft, consistent, and focused on her well-being: "We love you and want to make sure you're feeling your best."
Caregiver Support: The stress you are under is significant. Seek a caregiver support group or individual counseling for yourself. You cannot help her effectively if your own emotional well-being is compromised.