Dyslexia Consultation Centre, Karkardooma

I am Hari Hariharan and I am 58 years old. I am in deep debt to you Dr. You have saved my family lakhs of rupees because of your mediation. When Swetha got married in a different north India family in a love marriage I never though that life would be so complicated. In TN we are not complicated and everything is simple, expectations are simple and if anyone makes a demand we cancel the marriage. My entire clan was aghast when Swetha put a simple mutual divorce case and we were gifted 5 criminal cases from the boys side. *** ******* **** **** ******* The quotations I remember telling you were from 2 Lakh to 7 lakh and at least 5 years on court. You Helped an old father brush it aside. You brought all together, you put sense in the boys head, you logically made it an annulment. I know you are not a lawyer. I know you don't owe us anything. But I am a father. I will never forget. And I will tell everyone I can of you. A few Good Men do exist. You are one. I know you are worried that this will lead to hatred for you from others. You mentioned it to me, not to write, you made me sign that I will not write about it. Im sorry I have to. Forgive me. How can my soul rest if I don't thank you.

Should I seek therapy for my probems and dejection was a crucial question at the center of my thoughts . Because how we deal with our inner world drives everything, and every aspect of how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead life, I wanted someone who would understand the depth of my distress. My hesitation and my conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, was very rigid. And as I learnt in counselling , rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic. We need greater levels of emotional agility for true resilience and thriving. The sessions were very different as they made me think a lot and eventually I had to accept myself for what I had become. Being in video therapy using zoom and Skype also shattered my myth that I have to meet a mental health professional face to face . In fact I found it to be very convenient to speak to GB sir from my home as it cut out my travelling and traffic time. As I had been in counselling before with someone else , I also realised in therapy or psychological counselling the doctor is more important than the setting of the meeting. I am mentioning this because I had insisted so much to sir that I want to meet him face to face that he had at one point asked me to find someone else. But I'm happy I went with my gut feeling and I have no regret. I realise we have to be open to new ideas and options and leave the professional work to the concerned professional, as the destructive work of denial and saying no and wanting things my way only would have made me miss this opportunity of my therapy sessions with sir.

When Dr Singh asked us how he can help us, I wondered what to reply. As a couple we have been living separate lives for 5 years of 8 years of marriage Before my husband and I got married we lived like a couple that was the envy of our workplace. Now we have become more like roommates, living in a PG than a married couple. There is a lack of communication, conversation, intimacy and we both feel we just co-exist. Sex has tapered off and changes in the bedroom where affection is √withheld as punishment from both sides is common. We both and I want to be fair we both get angry over small things and then withhold affection. Our conflicts have escalated to a point where we have even resorted to psychological and physical violence. Dr Singh undertook the whole responsibility of maintaining the emotional alliance and he never betrayed our secrets to the other. I know my husband tried and even told him we would go to another counsellor, but Dr Singh just kept smiling. Today we can say we know how to stop we have enough understanding of not to allow escalation of conflict into violence. Mostly I am amazed how my husband has changed more than me. I thought I would need to mould myself, but my husband is more a fan and now speaks to challenging cognitive distortions and how we should not be entangled in conflicts and how we should better control our anger and other negative emotions and negotiate time-outs during conflict. First I thought my husbands attitude was a farce. But 7 months consistent behaviour can’t be a farce.

Dr Singh has been a welcome addition to our family and as a person we can go to in a completely secure environment. My girlfriend and I have dated for almost 5 years before getting married. But the lack of consideration of boundaries in her never stopped. Even after six years of being together, she insists on having a look at my phone when I am in the bathroom and she also likes to go through my office bag and this irritates me very badly then there is a fight in our house on a weekly basis, I would say on every second day when I see what she is doing. I think she does not respect my privacy and to have my own things because I don't think I have to share all my thoughts with her because some of them are related to my work where I don't think my wife can help me. I never imagined in the five years that we were dating with each other that she would have this need to be correct all the time and that due to her own insecurities and self-esteem issues she would never allow me to talk and would cut me off every time by saying she knows and then the same cycle of saying sorry again and again and again and again just has driven me so craazy that I would have dumped her if the problem was not solved. It is not funny when I am expected to step up even though she never communicates what she wants to meet. It's been a very good experience in the sessions we had because some of the diagnosis we have done although alien to us have helped me a lot because I don't think my girlfriend and my wife would have believed me had I said the same things to her in detail and probably I may not have been able to show her what is going on because we never could have imagined the reasons for what she was doing. I also would say thank you to my wife because she made a lot of effort and was able to accept a different viewpoint from a elderly person whom she could relate to being her fathers age and I think that also helped a lot. What I don't understand is that we are attending such advanced colleges we are dating each other and then getting married but the cultural change in our mental status is not happening and before marriage the entire situation is different and after marriage the expectations change so much.There is no clarity in expectations.

Im happy to speak out as I have always felt I am different from other people. My self-limiting beliefs have kept me stuck in a cycle of loneliness. Prof Singh is helping me manage my critical inner voices which try to keep me from challenging myself to step outside my comfort zone, and then have been stabbing me in the back for avoiding taking action. You are very critical sir to me at this point as you give me the strength to not allow these thoughts to manipulate my behaviour or sink into feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Everyone views a marriage or a relationship from a woman perspective. How many of can be sincere and view it from a neutral perspective. Even if I am wrong, if you continue to tell me I am wrong it can never work out as one day I will also give up. When we came to Prof Singh,I really did not know what was going to happen next but still somewhere within me the feeling was very not good. I did not feel positive in my relationship. If we can't speak to each other properly through the day, how can you expect any man to be like a button a be ready for sex anytime in the night? its crazy the expectation that is on me. We are better now for sure, as we followed the therapy very carefully. From 1 to 10 we have gone from 20 percent to 60 percent. But I still feel that if a wife cannot continue therapy and expects me to change in 24 hours it is not possible. I am not god. Loving each other again is not impossible as Prof Singh has shown us. It is difficult but is possible as I found out.

How it feels when a most happy person become lonely in life. Here is my story about my life. I know not everyone will be interested in reading my story but those who has suffered in a relationship will take out their time and read my story. Because many can related there with mine and before sharing it with you all I wanted to thank my doctor for helping me to get out form this and guiding me to live a happy life once again.

I was too young when I fall in love with my husband.I was in class 9th. He is 6 yrs older then me he was doing his engineering that time. He used to come to see me on every Friday just to see me that I am doing good or not. He is very good in writing poems so he wrote so many nice poems on me. That's how I started liking him , because he was doing so much for a girl who is studying in a school and that time every girls has a dream of a boy who can only love her ,can do anything for her so was I. He actually did so much for me to hear my answer yes. and I took 3 years I finally said yes when I was in class 11th. It was going great like it always goes when you fall in love with someone. I have all those wonderful poems with me. Sometimes when I read them I can't believe on him that he really had wrote all these for me. I was very good in the studies So I got selected in engineering . And I was so happy but , he wasn't happy for my selection. I ignore him and took his reactions very casual that might be he is not happy just because I would have to shift from here and he would not come to meet me on every weekends.

I was in my first year he started behaving different like he started fighting with me on very silly topics that why I am so busy in studies why I am not able to meet him every weekend. And I was so much in love with him that I really started missed my lectures to talking him. It's getting worse day by day . then one day he said he wants to marry me and he already spoken with his family and they all are planing to meet my family. I was in 2nd year that time. I was happy but I doesn't want to get married so early .then suddenly he again started behaving different he used to tell me that I should come back to home and quit my engineering so that I can spend more time with him and he has joined politics so he wants me to come back to my home. And I can do my further studies from there. Not engineering but I could take admission in some other course.

Now I was so much in love with him that I really started thinking like him only. I quit my studies but my family was not ready for this. They spoke to me on everything and I told them everything .but they said I should complete my studies and then only I should think of my marriage because I was too young that time.

I again came back to my collage and he was starting ignoring me now. And I doesn't like that. I was the most happiest person and I was no more happy person now. I wasn't getting his phone calls everyday. When I questioned him he has very nice answer that he wants to make his carrier in politics so he doesn't get much time to call me. That feeling I can't tell anyone what sadness I felt in that age.

I stoped talking to him for many months.and now he was like that he would have to marry me just now. I was so depressed from his behaviour that I wasn't appear in exams I quit my studies once again and I knew that I was not doing a write thing but I wasn't able to make me understand this thing and I didn't share this thing with anybody not with my family.

When the result came out my family got to know about that I have not given exams and they all got very hurt. Now they really wanted to speak to him so that they can decide about my future with him.

Now I was not ready for the marriage because I was hurt. They all came to our home with the wedding proposal and my parents were happy that they came and I should marry if I doesn't want to study engineering.

The day has come now I was getting married to the person I wanted to be some years back. But I could see clearly that he is not that person anymore whom I loved so much. He was a different man now.

But just for the sake of my long term relationship with him and to see my parents happy I did not said anything and I got married to him.

It's been 5 years of my marriage and I am suffering so much sadness and pain in my life that I came to DR GB Singh and told him my whole story and he guided me how can I keep myself busy and how can I stay happy to make a good decision for myself now.

Just after getting married to him .on my first night I got to know that he was involved with some other lady and his family also knew about that I spend my whole night alone waiting for him to come and tell me the truth but he is very good in making stories he told me very different story and I wasn't having any option only to believe on him. He is a womaniser a big womaniser I would say but no one in my family is ready to help me to get out from this marriage because I have a child also it's a girl child. I do believe on him sometimes that he loves me but again My heart knows it very well that he doesn't love me he just wants to save this marriage because of his political Carrier. So that no one can say anything to him. I am now taking divorce from him and he is also ready to give. I am only 26 and have seen so much in my life but I must thank my doctor to make me feel confident. I thank you doctor because Of you I will be happy in life.

How to overcome that feeling that wrong has been done to me and how my relationship had become all about compromising myself and even denying who I am because my girlfriend thinks so, and this feeling that I am no longer living in the reality of what the relationship is but in a fantasy of what my partner thinks a relationship should be, is what brought me to therapy.

I am a perfect example of a man whose girlfriend gets so jealous that she forbids me to be alone with other women. She feels so insecure that she demands to be constantly reassured of my love and attraction to her, and all by ISOLATING myself from talking to other women. I have gone along long enough behaving as if everything is OK, until now when I have begun to resent her and lose interest in the kind of relationship I have. This restrictive situation has started me to hate it and her when I love someone but that person is manipulating me, thinking I am in the relationship for physical sex and that it can be used as a weapon to control me.

Counselling has been very important as I have tried all forms of counselling before only to be told to ‘respect’ my girlfriend. Instead of telling me what to do Dr Singh conducted some pretty serious and expensive diagnostic tests and guided us how to treat each other with respect and honesty, so that we are true not only to each other but to ourself also. I have been trying to make decisions about both our lives and our actions without compromising our integrity or actig on a sense of guilt or obligation. I would have surely broken up as I felt choked by the restrictions as it compromised my sense of vitality, and my GF was inadvertently setting the stage for deception. I feel everyone must have a therapist in todays world. Someone who we can reach out to on the phone or a message. The investment of my time and money with GB sir has allowed me to be free of guilt and help my GF to BELIEVE that the more open we are with each other, the cleaner and more resilient our relationship will be and that it actually makes it more comfortable. We feel very scared that we won’t find others but we are truly mistaken. If there is no trust, better to exit nicely. But in my case the meetings helped in a good way.

In 2017 my wife was under a great deal of stress partially because of the division of our joint family and also of the manner in which we had to leave our family which to say the least was very unpleasant and very bitterly fought

She would get very agitated at certain thoughts and for the nrxt 6 months to 12 months we must have tried each and every medicine that was there possible until she became absolutely blank and would literally fight with everyone on petty issues.

The months that followed were the worst months of our lives where my wife would not even come out from the room and then there were other times when she could do anything.

She became fearful and agitated whenever we spoke about my parents and would start screening immediately. The doctors suggested that she had something called schizophrenia.

I would always discuss with my colleagues at work that how is it possible that a 29 year old lady who was perfectly normal can suddenly develop such a serious issue as schizophrenic behaviour.

Our Phycatarist, suggested that we go for counselling and he gave us a number of options to choose from and to be fair to him we did visit these people but the net result was 0 as a condition did not improve.

We found Prof singh on the internet, on our own decided to give it a chance because we had so much to lose and we were actually very desperate.

In therapy we told that she may be redirecting her energy from conflict as well as the underlying anxiety into more destructive outlets rather than converting it into a constructive outlet like working or doing something productive where she may be more efficient because of the redirection.

Some of the Diagnostic tests that were done by prof Singh taught us a lot about ourselves and it also gave me the knowledge how to manage my wife of 2 years.

If I say it was a catharsis I would not be wrong , as Nisha my wife began to respond to him very well and I saw her smile for the first time after months. I am not saying what is right and wrong but the help that has been given to us and the manner in which my wife has recovered to a very large extent is good enough for me at this point of my life because I know that once she begins to understand and see the positive aspects eventually she will improve and be the same women that I had married.

I would not be totally truthfully if I did not say that because everything we was exempt from income tax under the section 80G deduction, It helped me also to a very large extent where I did not hesitate in bringing Nisha whenever she needed help, because I recovered almost about 70% of my expenses it is not even the expenses that are my worry but it is is the concern that my wife gets better and there is no doubt that there has been a remarkable change in her because we have been able to trust someone who knew what to do. Thank you sir.

In his first few months at primary school, our daughters teacher recognised that she might have a learning difference. She is bright, articulate and outgoing, but struggles with reading and writing. Monica was formally diagnosed as dyslexic when we came to Prf Singh and after she began working with the programs we saw good progress in her reading and spelling.However, she also found learning and retaining basic maths difficult, and maths homework became very difficult. It was incredibly stressful for all of us. We’d sit together working through her Math homework, but she hated it. I can’t forget the shouting and the crying the tears, anger, threats and bribes. We didn’t want to give up on her but it became so counterproductive and we didn’t have the skills to teach her effectively. Eventually it was dr singh who held our hand and guided us every step of the way and we are quite a lot grateful to him for his totally open and humble response when ever we have tried to contact him. I think if we can go back to when the children were small, I would have come much earlier to just understand my child, rather than leave it to the last minute and waiting