I see that you are highly qualified & have a good friend you trust. From your description i also gather some issues. You seem to be finding it difficult to trust yourself as well as others..?? You contain more than express which isn't really helping you positively as reflected in your situation as a job seeker. Why does one speak less or lie, when he isn't happy being that way.?? It could be either because he doesn't expect the people in his life to understand/appreciate or accept him for what he thinks /how he feels or he doesn't see himself worthy enough to be presented to others.In either cases it would be of help to work with a psychiatrist or psychologist you can trust and explore the ways to make your life happier & content. I am sure with a little help you could create the life exactly the way you want. Take Care.