Persistent worries about future and past

I feel okay sometimes but then thoughts overpower me and i become suicidal and irritated. I have been like this for many years but i have realized now that this is affecting my relationships and day to day work.. i also feel anxious n can't keep a constant okay mood... recently i was debarred from the placements when i decided to opt out of the internship and do research instead. this has aggravated an entire problem. I want to feel stable and calm.. i also want to knkw that why can't i nurture friendships and strong bonds like others do. I don't trust ppl n even if i do it lasts for a short while. every little thing annoys me and i slip into depression. i start hating people and i don't like to wake up in the early morning... i don't like the reality. i don't have friends and i feel unloved and nobody to listen to me or understand me. i wanna attain stability, am too confused about the way i am. please help