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Overthinking & anxiety
I am 28 bisexual male, active in Hoonups with boys but never been with any girl yet, Earlier I used to do a lot of hookups with boys but that tendency has been reduced due to my fear and HSV... Moreover I also think that I am not able to achieve that perfect male definition and because of this hookup and searching to boys, I may never be a perfect man like others mostly are...also when I see different happy couples I feel sense of incompleteness as why I can't be one of them. Why did I not have any girl partner in my life and why I couldn't have that happy life. I am always sad. I don't do anything that makes me happy ....and this behavior has led me to become irritated most of times ...I cut off relationship with everyone in this anger . this is becoming my insecurity day by day & tempering my mental health by thinking about these things
help me is this normal thinking or what is this
Answers (8)
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Hi, the fact that you’re questioning this instead of just accepting it as “who you are” tells me you’re already looking for a way through it.
Two things are tangled here. The HSV and hookup fear is a real, practical concern — that’s about safety, not self-worth. But the deeper ache is this belief that you’re incomplete unless your life looks a certain way — a girlfriend, a “perfect man” image, a happy couple’s life.
A river doesn’t feel incomplete for not being a mountain. You’re comparing your path to a shape it was never meant to take, and that comparison is turning into sadness, then irritability, then pulling away from people who care.
That anger isn’t your personality — it’s sadness with nowhere to go. It’s asking for support, not more self-blame.
I’d really encourage working with a therapist one-on-one. You don’t have to hold this alone.
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Hi there!
Thank you for choosing to share your concerns here. That in itself is a huge step! I would like to say that it seems like you have an avoidant attachment style. Attachment styles are developed at a young age and are shaped by our relationship with our primary care givers. Keeping this in mind, I would suggest you to try and understand your relationship with your parents/guardians.
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Speak to a counselling psychologist like ME!
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Research on types of attachment styles
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Connect with psychologist as soon as possible
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You need sexual counseling immediately.
Connect with an expert Sexologist who is a good counselor.
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I have been working as a Sexologist and Counselor for the last 17 years of experience. You can contact me through an online appointment for further assistance.
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Connect with psychologist
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Hi,
Thank you for sharing your concerns. It sounds like you have been carrying a lot of worry, self-doubt, and emotional distress for quite some time. You seem to be struggling not only with questions about your sexual orientation, but also with comparisons, feelings of incompleteness, loneliness, and concerns about your future relationships.
It is understandable that repeatedly comparing yourself with others and questioning your worth can affect your confidence, mood, and overall wellbeing. Having attractions, uncertainties, or questions about identity does not make you less valuable as a person.
Since these thoughts are causing significant sadness, irritation, insecurity, and affecting your relationships, it may be helpful to consult a trained Counselling Psychologist, preferably one experienced in CBT, who can help you explore these concerns, challenge unhelpful beliefs, and develop a healthier understanding of yourself.
Try not to blame yourself for having these thoughts. With the right support, these concerns can be understood and worked through.
Dr Namita Ranjan
Counselling Psychologist (PhD)
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Ms. Pooja Gupta
Psychologist
9 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi,
What youâre experiencing is mostly insecurity, comparison pressure, and emotional burnout rather than anything âwrongâ with you. There is no fixed or âperfectâ definition of a man, and your sexuality or past relationships do not reduce your value or make you incomplete. Constantly comparing yourself to others and isolating yourself during anger can intensify sadness and emptiness over time. Since this pattern is affecting your mood and relationships, speaking with a therapist could help you process these feelings, build self-acceptance, and regain emotional stability.
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Consult
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seek help
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Ms. Pooja Bhargava
Psychologist
10 yrs exp
Delhi
It sounds like anxiety, low mood and insecurity are building up and affecting how you see yourself and your relationships. Talking to a psychologist can help you sort through these thoughts and feel more steady
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Reach out to a psychologist
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