Neurological disorder. Conversations.

I have ocd since 23 years and CPTSD Since 21 years.My CPTSD went undiagnosed and untreated for last 21 years and got diagnosed few days back .Hence j did not get any treatment for CPTSD. I'm sure that my brain has got damaged over so many years as I went through trauma for 21 years continously on daily basis. I don't feel the same that I used to before the trauma. I perceive life very differently, I can't think normally, I have lot of confusion, less control over body movements, my eyes have become large, I don't have any feelings , I don't feel myself or my family members or this world.I don't feel my life.That is the most disturbing thing.I feel out of body, I don't feel im in this world, I feel im somewhere else, I do t feel my family's love , when I see my father or any family member I feel they r just objects moving around and not humans or my family members.I am sensitive to bright light.My body postures are very weird.i don't have emotions, I don't understand long conversations.