Narcissistic personality disorder. All!

I have typical obsession with a married person with whom I have physical relationship though I know I don't love him, he is my supply, can't imagine my life without him. I don't respect, understand anyone, envy all including family members who loves and supports me the most, can't tolerate success of anyone, void from inside, empty, 0 empathy towards all, too lazy to do any work, can't take/don't want to take responsibility, no focus in life, never felt satisfaction, always in an excited state, no compassion, no love, never felt happy, no sense of self, don't have interest to do household as well as responsible work, no personality, only fear remains, fear of death, being alone, being hatred though I have immense hatred towards me, too too much fear, can't focus on anything for a sustainable time, difficulty to concentrate, memorize,am a 10 11 years old girl inside, Trouble in conversation, no passion, egoistic, arrogant, double faced, shame, guilt, no friends, sucks happiness from all