I ruined my life with my own hands by lo

I understand your distressful situation. You seem to be suffering from adjustment problems with depressive symptoms including ruminations about your boyfriend. However more clarity is needed regarding your problem. Information regarding your sleep, hunger, energy levels and interests would be more helpful to decide on the severity of your condition. Your personality traits need to be evaluated in detail as well. Don't worry it is not your fault, it is the hormonal and chemical fluctuations in your brain which is taking a toll on your mental health. It is easily manageable with appropriate treatment, so that dysfunction due to the same can be reduced and your quality of life will improve. Some counselling sessions and if needed medical help might be useful for you. I would also be more than happy to help you with that if you are looking for online assistance. Discussions will be held confidential. You can directly consult with me through Practo as needed. Online chat consultation is also available.