How to get over depression/anxiety/ocd.

I smile only to show the world. I cant love, trust or respect even my parents, wife or anyone except me. I am suicidal but scared & have lost the ability to be happy, satisfied or contended with anything.Tough challenges scare me & I find shortcuts with a mind voice which I hv started to hate now. No work, books, movies, music, hobby, friends, food - makes me truly happy. As a lone child I grew up in poverty but I earn enough now to support my family. My money mindedness/stingy attitude is driving me crazy. After 5 affairs, 9 jobs and even with no apparent crisis in my life I can't ever feel joy. Even writing this I am unsure of what I call happiness. I have consulted 2 psychiatrists and 1 therapist, who prescribed sertaline between 2015-17. I have been a marijuana addict since 17 but I don't crave it since 2019. I write this to find a psychiatrist who could help me continue with this therapy as I stopped going before due to lack of tangible results. Is there any one who could help?