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How to deal with a controlling brother
I used to believe that my brother wants the best for me, but there are times, his behaviour doesn't look like. He says he cares, he does things that show he cares, but insults, in the name of jokes. Recently when i confronted him, telling him how his behaviour affects my mental health, he says don't be so sensitive, learn to take criticism. On the other hand, when I get criticism from my mentors or professors. It doesn't feel like they're attacking me, rather a constructive criticism and it doesn't turn into fight. How do I deal with my brother? I always have to tell him sorry for his behaviour. He says he knows the path I'm walking on because he's ten years older than me.
Answers (10)
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As u know most brothers are like that only since he is elder he will not change his behavior towards you.... U need to change urself in responding to his behavior which affects you.... Or your attitude..towards him since u r youngest you cannot change ur brothers behavior but u can stop reacting to certain behavior of his which affects you.... Take care...
With regards
Psy... MSV
Next Steps
You should stop reacting
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stay calm
respond less
react less
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Kindly consult psychotherapist
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Hi, Consult a psychologist for professional help
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Hi
It sounds like you love your brother and want to trust his intentions, but his way of expressing care sometimes feels hurtful. It’s understandable—you respect constructive criticism when it comes from mentors, but when it comes from him, it feels different because it’s mixed with personal comments and jokes that affect your mental health.
Being older doesn’t mean he automatically knows what’s best for you, and it certainly doesn’t mean you should tolerate behavior that makes you feel small. A healthy relationship allows space for respectful feedback, not constant put-downs disguised as “jokes.”
The key here is setting boundaries without always apologizing for his actions. The next time he dismisses your feelings, you can calmly say, ‘I respect your experience, but I need support, not insults. If you want me to take your advice seriously, it needs to be given with respect.’
If he continues, it’s okay to emotionally step back—not every argument needs to be won, and not every criticism needs to be absorbed. You don’t have to prove yourself to him. Focus on the people whose feedback uplifts you, and if his words hurt, remind yourself that your worth isn’t measured by his comments.
If you want to take online therapy sessions, connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five. I can help you work through these challenges with therapy and coping strategies
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Hi,
It sounds like you're navigating a challenging relationship with your brother. It's important to set boundaries and communicate your feelings clearly. While you can acknowledge that he may have good intentions, let him know that jokes that feel insulting hurt you and are not constructive. Unlike feedback from mentors, which aims to help you grow, his comments seem to undermine your self-esteem. Express how you value his support but need it to be more positive. If he continues to dismiss your feelings, consider reducing interactions that leave you feeling hurt, and focus on building relationships that are affirming and uplifting. Ultimately, prioritize your mental well-being while trying to maintain a healthy rapport with your brother.
Next Steps
consult
Health Tips
seek help
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Ms. Hema Sampath
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
It is older siblings control and concern both mixed up..
As yiu are old enough now unlike earlier 10 years before, yiu could start practicing how not to discuss your personal life events and situations with him and learn to deal yourself, or with friends or even with a professional support..
Next Steps
Consult a psychological Counselor for more clarity..
Health Tips
You can reach me for an online consultation..
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Ms. Neha Sachdev
Psychologist
11 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
As per to your information, u do have a caring brother, his intentions will only be gud for you. His way of communicating it may be not be as kind and loving as u expect it to be. With his brotherly status with u, u expect him to be nice and kind to you, like a father talking to a daughter, but since he is ur brother he takes ur emotions casually. This is normal in siblings. With the professors or mentors, since you don’t expect them to be kind and sweet to you, you take their criticisms in a healthy way.
Ur brother would be protective of u, and is afraid-that u would get hurt. Hence he is being tough with you. Making you more aware of the outside world. He might not be expressing his fear of you losing to anyone, or get hurt.
Ask him his reasons, and be communicative with you.
I am sure you guys will open up to each other in a healthy way.
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Discuss more of u have more questions or doubts.
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Sanjana Purdhani
Psychologist
2 yrs exp
Delhi
It sounds like your brother cares about you but expresses it in a way that feels dismissive and hurtful. The difference between constructive criticism from mentors and his remarks lies in intention and deliveryâmentors provide feedback to help you grow, while his jokes and dismissiveness make you feel invalidated. The "don't be so sensitive" response is often a way to avoid accountability rather than address concerns.
Intent vs. Impact: Even if he means well, his words are affecting your mental health. Your feelings are valid.
Respect in Relationships: Age and experience do not justify dismissing your emotions. Healthy relationships allow space for different perspectives.
Pattern Recognition: If you're frequently apologizing for his behavior, it might be a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.
Healthy Boundaries: Setting boundaries isnât about shutting him out but making it clear how you expect to be treated.
Next Steps
Use "I" statements when discussing your feelings: "I feel hurt when my concerns are dismissed." Redirect the conversation when he starts making hurtful jokesâstay calm but firm. Limit reactive argumentsâif he refuses to listen, disengage and revisit the topic later. Recognize that family relationships evolveârespect is a two-way street.
Health Tips
Have a direct but calm conversation about how youâd like to communicate moving forward. If he continues to dismiss your concerns, focus on protecting your mental space by limiting engagement in conversations that drain you. Consider seeking external support (friends, a therapist) to navigate this relationship in a way that prioritizes your well-being.
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Mr. Vijay Kumar
Psychologist
30 yrs exp
Navi Mumbai
From what you have explained, it appears that you have a controlling elder brother. It also appears that he enjoys being so. Looking at the situation from your perspective, I can understand the discumfiture that you are in. The controlling nature of your brother could be a symptom of some uncomfortable personality issues including probably of mild or moderate narcissism. If that is the case, I would suggest you to change the way you react to his behaviour and try to respond to it in a situation-appropriate way, conveying that you may not accept it any further. If you feel that he is trying to dominate, control or bully you perpetually, it is time, at 25, for you to convey to him that you are a grown up individual apart from being his younger sister. Such behaviours are often dealt with effectively by sending out messages sternly and appropriately that they are unacceptable to you. It may elicit unpleasant responses from him initially (which you may have to deal through mature communication with him) but gradually he will learn to modify himself. If you find these difficult, please approach a psychologist for more guidance.
Next Steps
Please approach a psychologist, if necessary.
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Connect with psychologist to discuss in detail
Next Steps
connect
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consult
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