Depression. Worse! please advice!

I understand your predicament. Here are a few suggestions that could help you : Awareness of how the mind works and how thoughts are generated will help you deal with the challenges you are facing right now. The nature of the Mind, which in simple terms we experience as thoughts, is such that, it will keep shifting its focus from one object/topic/event to another. Ii always needs something to hold on to. Today the mind might be fixated on something. Tomorrow it could be another topic/event/person. Another important characteristic of the Mind is this - You may either have thoughts about the past or the future. This keeps alternating. Try thinking about the present moment - you will see that the Mind and 'Now' can never coexist. The Mind has 3 states in general. Sometimes, you may find yourself having very positive, inspiring thoughts. During other times, you may find yourself very emotional, or all charged for action. Whereas during other times, you may feel very lethargic, dull or lazy. These states keep alternating. Having understood the nature of the mind, the first step towards mental health is to become aware of your thoughts. Learning to be an observer of your thoughts, learning to observe them from a distance like clouds passing in the sky. Just like how the clothes you are wearing right now are yours, but not you, thoughts that you experience from time to time are yours, but not you. The next step is knowing that you have the power to choose which thought you wish to focus on and act on and exercising that power. With practice, you will have better mastery over this process. Having negative, depressing, anxious thoughts is something that plagues everybody from time to time. Trust me, even if everything was perfect, we may still find some shortcomings somewhere and brood about it. When you repeatedly focus on a thought ( that springs from a belief that you have and which is threatening or disturbing by nature ) instead of letting it go, the corresponding emotion rises in your brain. It overpowers your capability to think rationally. As mentioned above, with practice, you will learn to focus and entertain only those thoughts are healthy enough to be acted upon. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by thoughts, just bring your focus back to your breath and take a few relaxing breaths. Here is a breathing exercise that could help you : You may do this in the night too once you have finished with your tasks for the day : Inhale slowly to a count of four - hold your breath to a count of four - exhale slowly to a count of eight. Repeat this twenty times. You may do this also in the morning before you begin your daily routine. Gently massage the back of your neck and the base of the skull when you lie down to rest. Whatever you feed your mind through your sense organs will be replayed to you as thoughts. Be conscious of this. Take care of the content you feed your mind - the kind of books you read, the websites you visit, the kind of music you listen to, the kind of food you eat, the kind of company you keep ( "You are an average of five people you spend most of your time with" ) Our attitude towards life in general and things in particular is based on our Beliefs - what we believe to be true about ourselves and the world. What are your core beliefs about yourself and the world? Try writing them down and examine the validity of these beliefs. Some of them may be limiting and negative in nature because of the kind of feedback you received while growing up - at home, in school, from your classmates, friends, relatives, etc. But once you are aware of them, you shed light on them,examine their truth, they can no longer manipulate your behavior or actions. As your beliefs change, your attitude changes, and words, actions and behavior follow. One of the definitions of stress is the thought(s) or the belief that you don't have the capability and the resources to address, to deal with, to successfully overcome the challenge(s) that is right in front of you now. Consider the components of this equation - On one end you have the object that induces this belief in you ( it might be a person/event/situation ). Reflect on the possible sources of stress for you. Is there anything you can do to change this side of the equation? On the other end, you have your resources to tackle it - reflect on whether you have done all you can to prepare for it/address it/ do justice to it. I want you to know that you are a match for every mountain you face. And that mountain comes in your path only so that in the process of climbing it and getting across it, you will discover strengths that you never knew existed. When thoughts of such nature plague you, it is natural to take comfort in self-pity, anger, frustration, and so on. The state of our mind has a bearing on our physical health too. So, addressing the root cause will help you overcome any physical challenges you might be experiencing too. Our true state is peace akin to the uninterrupted peace that you experience in deep sleep. It is only when we focus on the clouds that we fail to notice the sun shining behind. Please set aside time for exercise daily and make sure you eat healthy every time. Our challenges that seem to threaten our very existence are the ones that serve as fuel for our evolution. Here are a few links that could be helpful : https://fit.practo.com/#!/content/41615 https://fit.practo.com/#!/content/41716 https://fit.practo.com/#!/content/41639 Step One https://fit.practo.com/#!/content/41640 Step Two https://fit.practo.com/#!/content/41641 Step Three https://fit.practo.com/#!/content/41645 Step Four Take care.