Confused since 4 year. Feel suicidal.

Hello,  This is Himanshu I am 20 year old guy doing job. I do continusely talking to myself and finding that which disorder I have. Sometimes I feel that I have adhd, sometimes feel I am narcasstic, sometimes I feel I have bpd and so on. And at this time I feel that I have schizophrenia and I can't stop thinking that I have schizophrenia. This condition is going on since 4 year when I was in 12th class. I have hard believe that I have bpd. Conversations running in my head like past conversation, future conversation and imagery conversations. I have anxiety too like I can't talk at my workplace with my colleagues I can't attend calls because of anxiety. And my focus and concentration are very bad. I can't focus in my study. At this time while writing I feel that I have nothing like I have no problem but apart from this time I do always think that I am this, I am that, I have this disorder and I have that disorder... I am exhausting now sometimes I feel depression too and feel suicidal.