Anger & Depression. Also Suicidal Urges.

I am 26 year old Unmarried and Single Woman. I have had a tough but happy childhood. As I grew up I lost my brother, then Mother at the age of 19. I lost both of them to death. Since then I am living with my father. Their absence still troubles me. I always want to share my day, my time with someone whom I can trust on. I do not trust anyone in my family. I had an affair for around 3 -4 years. He was a real sweet person, but now has denied for getting married to me. Hence I wonder if this is also affecting me. I am trying to hold myself from fall apart. Now a days I am having problem with father. I get too angry. Not in touch with my friends. I feel like staying away from all. Worst is I keep getting suicidal urges every now and then. At the age of 18 I had tried ones and the pain I went through after that keeps reoccurring in my mind and I stop myself thinking I will fail to successfully suicide and I may land up into severer pain. I do not want to be depressed. help me plz.