I really can't help it. Every where I go and at almost every time, these ideas and thoughts always pops up in my head, like when I'm crossing the street, somewhere inside my head, it tells me cross the street when there are fast vehicles approaching or when I'm near a window from a tall building, or a ledge, it tells me to jump. Sometimes I'm just resisting the urges in my feet, like they're really gonna try to do it. All I can do is try to distract myself by doing something, like reading a book, watching a series or playing a video game, but all those are just band-aid solutions. At the end of that, when I'm just doing nothing, or just walking during my normal days, the thoughts keep coming up. I've already chatted with a doctor here and he prescribed me some anti-depressants and sleeping pills, but I haven't gone to buy them because I'm afraid that they might judge me, and I can't even present them proof that I have a kind of sickness.