Hello there. Sorry to hear of your dificulties. It seems that you may be dealing with depression. It would need some detailed assessment. You would surely benefit from a consultation with a psychiatrist or psychologist to assess the problem and give you guidance further. Best wishes.
Next Steps
Consult a psychiatrist/psychologist immediately who could evaluate you further and give you appropriate advice.
Health Tips
Very often we can feel hopeless when surrounded by such thoughts and feelings. Thankfully there is help available. Take that first step of meeting a nearest available psychiatrist or psychologist today itself.