Hello, I will answer this in steps: 1st, please reach out to a psychologist for an introductory session to understand what is the cause of your thoughts and what can be the way forward for you to approach that. 2nd, Since finding the right therapist can be a process, keep the contact details of crisis helplines handy so that when such thoughts start bothering you, you have somewhere to reach out for support and understanding 3rd, reach out to friends or family members and ask for specific support. You can share your struggles with one or two of them and have them keep a check on you. You can also ask them to help you in your search for a therapist or a psychiatrist. It is important that you have someone who can be that support. 4th, search on Google for steps to protect self from suicidal ideations and how to self-sooth or apply grounding techniques. If you follow these steps, you will be able to bring helpful changes to your current situation.

Your thoughts are increasing and that will disturb you more with time. You need immediate attention to your problems.

Consult with Psychiatrist and psychologist ,nearby govt/Pvt hosp with detail history .