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I've not been able to sleep at all.
No matter how much I try, all I get are negative thoughts about myself. I hate myself to the core. I hate myself with all of my heart. But, I'm trying to do better. I'm hitting the gym. Trying to eat right. I stopped taking my meds since none of them were helping me. I was on lithium 300mg (m and n), voxitine 10mg, clonazepam 0.5mg, clomipramine 75mg, quetapine 50mg. Nothing helped me. I constantly get suicidal thoughts all the time. I feel extremely lonely all the time. Even around people. I can't afford to spend any money on meds. But, all I need is sleep. I just need to sleep. I'm struggling with the thoughts that scream in my head when I close me eyes. I need sleep.
Answers (9)
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Insomnia is just a symptom you have some mood disorder and pausing it's treatment is concerning. If financial constraint is the reason please be free to visit a Government Medical College or mental health hospital.I am more than sure you will get a decent treatment.
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You are really going through a tough situation, your current situation needs urgent attention.
For now you should continue your present medicines.
Next Steps
You must visit a good mental health care expert present nearby you and if you are having any financial constraints you should search a nearby government hospital or medical college.
Health Tips
Continue with exercise and keep talking to people whose company makes you feel better.
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Since you were on mood stabilisers, antidepressants and antipsychotics it is not the case of one suggestion or one pill making you sleep. You need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist from the birth, childhood, onset of symptoms, progression, family dynamics, genetic predisposition, and other factors before deciding on next course of action.
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What you’re describing sounds very overwhelming, and the fact that you’re still trying to exercise and take care of yourself despite feeling this way shows you have not given up. Since you are having persistent suicidal thoughts, severe loneliness, and sleep difficulty, it’s important to consult a psychiatrist again as soon as possible rather than stopping medicines completely on your own. Sometimes medications need dose changes, combinations, or a different diagnosis approach before improvement happens. If finances are an issue, please consider a government hospital or medical college psychiatry OPD where treatment is available at low cost. Also, if the suicidal thoughts feel difficult to control or you feel unsafe, seek immediate help from a trusted person, nearby emergency service, or hospital.
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Hello
Your symptoms list
1 Negative thoughts
2 Self hatred ( guilt ? )
3 Suicidal thoughts
4 Feelings of loneliness
5 Insomnia
Probable Diagnosis
1 Major Depression
2 Bipolar Depression
Next Steps
Don’t stop medicines suddenly. It may give rise to withdrawal like symptoms and in long run actually leads to fresh full blown episode of depression.
Consult a psychiatrist, discuss your concerns and start medicines.
Start CBT sessions
If any physical ailments are present Don’t neglect them.
Health Tips
Confide in your close ones. Take their help.
Stop any addiction
Eat healthy foods only
Keep Screen time extremely short.
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Hii ..
I can understand what you are going through. We can definitely help you to come out of this.
Your symptoms suggest significant Depression with persistent negative thoughts, hopelessness, sleep disturbance, and suicidal thoughts. Since you have stopped medications abruptly and still feel distressed, you need a proper reassessment. Sometimes treatment takes time, dose adjustments, combination therapy, or psychotherapy to show benefit.
Next Steps
Please consult a psychiatrist as early as possible, especially because you are having recurrent suicidal thoughts. Do not restart or stop medications on your own. If thoughts become overwhelming or you feel unsafe, seek immediate help from family/friends or emergency mental health services.
Health Tips
Continue healthy habits like gym, sleep routine, and regular meals
Avoid isolation; stay connected with at least one trusted person
Reduce alcohol/substance use if any
Try not to stay alone with distressing thoughts for long periods
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