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Dealing with clumsy mom
My mom is 67 years old, a retired professor and a loving mom. I started noticing her clumsy behaviours when I started to live seperately with my husband. She has a poor presence of mind and a different way to managing this ( e.g kitchen is messy while she cooks but later clean once done; May leave peeled veggies skins on slab for a long time, which attract flies and later cleans it; keep left over food in fridge and then forget it for weeks). Even since I started staying at my own home, I can't resist getting triggered when my mom does it. But I don't openly say it as I don't want to hurt her or be so critical of her at this age. But it is sometimes reflected in the way/tone I talk. It is also affecting my relationship with her. I dont know how to deal with it. Apart from it, she is a very loving mother and sacrificed a lot for her children( me and brother). I am also unable to ignore these things and it's is affecting me mentally. How to deal this?
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This situation is emotionally complex because it involves love, responsibility, guilt, and frustration at the same time.
Your motherâs behaviours â forgetting leftovers, messy cooking, delayed cleaning â can happen with age-related slowing, reduced attention, or mild cognitive changes, but they can also simply be her lifelong patterns becoming more visible now that youâre managing your own home.
Your frustration doesnât mean you donât love her â it means you have different standards, and you are mentally overloaded trying to balance marriage, home, and your bond with her. The guilt you feel is common, but youâre not doing anything wrong for wanting clarity.
Next Steps
Meet with a Therapist and figure out few ways to manage it
Health Tips
Have a gentle, non-critical conversation when both of you are calm. Focus on how you feel, not what she does âwrong.â ⢠Observe whether her forgetfulness or clumsiness is increasing â if yes, consult a doctor for a basic cognitive screening (routine practice at this age). ⢠Reflect on your own triggers in therapy or journaling â sometimes itâs not just the behaviour, but the sense of responsibility shifting in adulthood that creates stress. ⢠Set boundaries in a loving way â help her in small ways when she is at your home, instead of correcting her. ⢠Share household tasks in a cooperative, non-directive manner to avoid feeling like youâre âmanagingâ her.
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"Hi there, I understand that seeking help can feel overwhelming, but you’ve already taken the first brave step. I can guide you with a clear treatment plan tailored just for you, so you can feel better and regain control over your life. You can reach me directly on WhatsApp for quick support on seven zero eight two zero two two zero six two."
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Hi,
The best way ahead would be a detailed clinical interview to understand the symptoms and your comprehensive history.
For a personalized plan, find me by searching "Dr Abhinav Tewari Neuropsychiatrist Lucknow" on Google Maps — my details are listed there.
ẄĤÃŤŠÅPP available on nine⁹ four⁴ one¹ five⁵ three³ nine⁹ four⁴ three³ seven⁷ nine⁹
Kind Regards,
Dr Abhinav Tewari
Consultant Neuro-Psychiatrist
MBBS (A.I.I.M.S., New Delhi)
MD (Psychiatry) (A.I.I.M.S., New Delhi)
DNB (NBEMS)
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I can understand your distress and concern for your parent
Symptoms that you have mentioned are suggestive of dementia or may be depression in old age
You must consult a Psychiatrist with your mother it she does not agree, you can plan a visit alone and mention all symptoms that you noticed till now
* Other option is to convince your mother for routine check up for bp, sugar and you can consult a neurologist too, ct brain scan is necessary
Symptoms will be better once proper assessment done and management planned accordingly
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Hi
It’s natural to feel conflicted when your mother’s habits trigger you, especially when you love her and don’t want to hurt her. These small behaviours feel bigger now because your own standards of running a home are different, and the gap between your styles creates irritation and guilt at the same time. This emotional mix is what’s straining the relationship, not her intentions.
A gentle balance is possible understanding her age-related pace, managing your own reactions, and setting soft boundaries without criticism. With the right support, you can protect your peace while keeping the bond with her warm and respectful. Take therapy. You can connect with me on nine two six six seven two six zero six five.
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It’s so nice that you are concerned for her.
A little bit of brain fogging and slowness is common with ageing, especially during or after menopause timing. If you feel things don’t seem okay, do not hesitate to have a consultation. Tc
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The things you are noticing in your mom are quite common at her age. With age, people become a little slow, forget small things, or do work in a different way.
She is not doing it intentionally, and many times elders don’t even realise it.
Please consult psychiatrist for further investigation and assessment .These problems are often treatable if found early
At home, use small reminders, labels, and a fixed routine to reduce confusion.
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Considering her age, it could be the normal process of aging or their could be the possibility of dementia. However, the information given by you isn’t sufficient to come to a diagnosis.
Kindly book an online consultation for detailed evaluation and appointment treatment.
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