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Mom is cheating on Dad
I have a family of four. Me, my brother, mom and dad. A month ago I found out that my mom has an affair with an office colleague. I don't think anyone in my family except me knows that. I haven't even talked to my Mom yet. This thing is leading me into depression. I don't understand what to do
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Hello. A more relevant question would be "do I need to do anything at all, in the first place?" Let's fine an answer to that. There are two aspects here. One, the fact that your mother has an affair. Two, you found out and don't know how to deal with the emotions you're going through right now. It seems logical that you don't do anything about aspect one. Working on aspect two would be most advisable. Let of explain why. If I am not wrong, you probably are depressed thinking your mother is not who you thought she is. In other words, this recent discovery has created conflict in your mind about the ideal image about your mother you had in your mind all these years growing up. Secondly, you may also be worried if this affair will lead to a break in the family, separation, etc. I am not sure, but I assume you are going through these thoughts and subsequent sadness. As long as you have these thoughts and insecurity in your mind, you will probably be disturbed. That's why it's necessary to work on aspect two, that is, your own disturbance about the affair. How do you do that? Start with accepting your mother as a human being first, then your mother. Being human means she is bound to be imperfect. Free her of the bounds of your expectations and a perfect image of a mother/woman. Once you are able to acknowledge that she's a human being capable of behaving differently from your expectations of her, you will be more accepting of her as your mother again. Now about the fear and insecurity about what might happen to the family in the future. This is anxiety. It is necessary that you don't lose your cool here. There's a certain risk, if you own behavior gives a hint to anyone else in the family that you know something about your mother that's bothering you. Here's what you can do.
Next Steps
Talk with your mother in private. Be direct in your words. Let her know that you have found this out and you are disturbed about it. Let her have a chance to explain. She might be feeling lonely and talking with you might just be what she needs right now. Do not judge her. You may disclose your emotions about her actions, but don't judge her as a person. Let her know that you accept her as a human being just as you accept yourself and others. You don't have to do anything about her affair. That's not for anyone to handle. It's your mother's responsibility, and I'm sure she will manage this soon. In short, let her affair be her affair. This is a sudden turn of events for you, and that's why you are disturbed. Take some time, prepare your mind and then ask your mother for some private talk time and place. This can be an opportunity for you to bond even more with your mother. Good luck and take care.
Health Tips
Warning: Do not ever tell this to anyone, however close you may think they are. This includes your best friend, any relative or even your brother. What you found out is your mother's private life. You are expected to guard this information, or you risk disturbing her life and the family.
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Disclaimer : The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.