Hi. I can understand what you must be going through. You seem to have so unpleasant experiences during your childhood which is leading to your current situation. You will be needing more detailed evaluation by a psychiatrist for understanding your situation better. As you said, you want to share your feelings with someone. So go ahead and do it with a person close to you. Alternatively, you can start writing diary daily to vent out your feelings. Seek a psychiatric consultation and initiate treatment accordingly. Treatment will mostly consist of sessions of psychotherapy with or without medication.
Next Steps
Seek a psychiatric consultation.
Health Tips
Don't delay seeking help. Earlier you seek help, better will be the chances of recovery.