Dyslexia Association of India

Srishti was born following a normal pregnancy and her first year was unremarkable. As she began walking her interest in people and the environment kept decreasing and she stopped using the few words she had learnt like papa , mama. Our paediatrician said this was normal as some children develop differently. Her favourite plaything at this time was a small metal ring which was on the strap of my hand bag. She used to fiddle with it for long periods of time. The bag became so much a part of Srishti that when I would take the bag away she would start crying and it was inconsolable. But if it was lost she simply stood and screamed until it was recovered. She was also attracted to running water, loved watching patterns of light on the floor, and would happily stand watching the washing machine revolve. She was inexplicably terrified of the newspaper and the courier being put through the gate.By the time Srishti was 5 years old, family life had become very stressful, as Srishti was increasingly frustrated and destructive, and all trips out were abandoned. She showed little preference for any one person in particular, and if she wanted anything she would merely take and direct people's hands in the general direction of the desired object. She occasionally said words (e.g. car) but did not use them meaningfully and they were seldom repeated. She reacted strongly if anyone moved her possessions, and was distressed by any change, even, for example, if I her own mother changed her hairstyle. Her diet was extremely restricted and she ate only cornflakes without milk and buns with no butter; she preferred particular brands (testing by smelling them) and refused to eat other brands. An attractive child, with an intelligent expression, my daughter was physically strong and agile; we had been forced to place bars at her bedroom window to prevent her climbing out, as she was oblivious to the dangers of doing so.Even so the doctors said that all biological indicators were okay and some children are slow learners and talkers. Prof Singh Diagnosed he and it was a shock for us to read that a beautiful girl had Autism. Why were we not told earlier and guided earlier is the thought that runs through my mind the whole day now. What if I had not come to Prof Singh, what if she had continued like this. With a lot of help we have made many changes and are now trying to help her, but it is so late in my heart.

I got into this cycle where I had the urge to fit in with everybody and the society around me and I very quickly discovered all the Waze ad which I was looking at myself and deceiving myself and the idea of self consciousness slowly crept in to me. I got so obsessed with even small things that this even started affecting my social activity and at some point of time they would have been complete social withdrawal and I would not have been able to face people and pressure if one of my colleagues who has been with Dr Singh had not referred me to him. The initial conversations with him seem to be extremely deep and I felt that maybe I'm not getting across and I did stop therapy for two weeks after my first two sessions but after that I realise that maybe I am rushing things because I want results very fast. My urge to fit in and urge that everyone has was so much that the pure pressure made me do unusual things and took a toll on my mental health. When you cannot fit into your community whether that is your group of friends your class or your neighbours or the people you are working with I saw that I had started doing things that were out of my capacity and liking and regard. Of course I found my place finally in the group and at what times when I did not get my place despite the efforts that I made and this must've driven me completely paranoid. I'm grateful that I went through a proper diagnostic assessment first where I saw what I had become and then went through therapy correctly and I'm also happy that I was able to see the logic to blend my thinking with my doctors thinking and was able to make small changes in small gains from which I came out. I'm very grateful to my doctor and as I was referred to him I will not hesitate to refer anyone else who may need any assistance from him.

I have truly become what we can call a pacifier because I was forever doing things for people and even if I was suffering I kept on doing it because I wanted to look good in their eyes, I was completely emotionally exhausted when I came to Professor Singh and I can tell you that What works for you works and you have to let go of what doesn’t. We must all learn that we should not be afraid of saying no to others even if they are very close to us as some of the things that people demand from others are so emotionally taxing that they are just not comfortable and we lined up making a mess of ourselves. I can say that after sorting myself out don't be afraid to say no to those tasks and politely let others know that helping them out is not possible for you at the moment if you are completely busy and tied up. You might like to help people or you might not but certain situations are more demanding. People can be weird and extremely selfish and they keep asking more of you to be it to invest more time and energy or to do things which you might not want to. In all of this, I find myself emotionally drained and exhausted. I have learnt over time how to say no and that's the beauty of boundaries where you can put boundaries with people or in general insure that you don't have to do it go on as much as they want and I have learned that there is a line beyond which you can't go and you have to go to stop for things. I'm really grateful to Professor Singh for being there and actually teaching me what to do by making a few calls to certain people on my behalf because I was so scared of the reactions that they would have.

My sense of inner void, coupled with lack of purpose in life is as if I am transparent and anything positive like love or joy just passes right through me. Then I feel like it was never there at all. I have been obsessed with wanting happiness. The social and personal expectations that I should feel happy and not sad have just increased my feelings of sadness and a sense of disconnection to the people in my life and the world around me. For a very long time I have felt that I am going through the motions, and not able to contribute to the world and that my life is not what I would like it too be. It is horrible to be in a wasted marriage at the age of 38 and feel like I am not fully part of the world. I couldn’t feel anything and nothing I did made an impact on events or other people, I existed but I wasn’t alive.When you feel like everything you do is pointless and you’re just going through the motions. Just trying to fill in the time until you die. Sometimes you have fun or something good happens which can distract you for a while, but ultimately there is a hollowness inside which never goes away. I have been on opioid painkillers and completely dependent on them. I have now started psychotherapy and between the appointments I feel better control over myself. Mr Singh is very kind. I much more aware about myself and what I should be doing.The brooding is still there but the sinking feeling has gone as I know I have someone to fall back on, till the next session and I know I will be better now with time. It is a big relief