Learning Disabilities Clinic, Naraina Vihar

1 year ago, I was sure I wanted to be divorced after 10 years of year of marriage. Before my thoughts went to separation, I spent a lot of time thinking about the future and focused on the hope that my life would improve, that I would be happy in my marriage.The hardest part of wanting to divorce was coming to the decision, in admitting that I was deeply unhappy and in finding a way to communicate this to my spouse. There was sadness in the loss. And then all the practical things: dividing property, finding a place to live, informing children, family and friends.I felt very alone and abandoned. At the same time, I felt I wanted to be free more. My spouse never felt the need for counselling and therapy. What is that we can’t solve that a counsellor can was his favourite sentence and within 5 minutes we were bickering once again. We came to meet Dr Singh family and all in tow at the age of 34. It was hilarious to see the look on the doctor’s face. Imagine 34 years old and needing your dad and mom to come with you for therapy.

The reaction of my in-laws was extremely difficult and while I expected that they would be bitter I was not prepared for the "shunning" I experienced from them in front of dr singh. Dr singh kind of convinced us to give it a last chance and helped us go forward one day and one problem at a time. In conversation we came to realise that my history with my husband was in fact not limited to our children, but the entire apartment complex thanks to his mother. Getting diagnosed and accepting it helped acknowledge the emptiness between me and my husband and made the future look less scary and more valuable. It gave me hope. After therapy I live much more one day at a time. This does not take away from my commitment or loyalty to my family, but I am just no longer willing to sacrifice my own serenity for anyone who gives me negative vibes. The best part of therapy for me was learning to stand on my own.The thought of living for another 45-50 years in an unhappy marriage was pivotal in my decision to either seek therapy and ensure changes happen or I leave my marriage as life is short and we are meant to be happy. Returning to normal life and specially sex was a challenge as the very thought would send a shiver up my spine. My spouse has made a lot of changes for me and I come to my doc for maintenance of my sanity every month with my husband. Well we are together for the now at least. At least the loud voices and aggressiveness has stopped. Respect is in. That is a good enough start.

Prof Singh helped me through my break up that happened January 1st. He’s super articulate and provides you insight on things. He provided me with terms associated with what I’m feeling. One of those terms being extinction theory where when the feelings are dying you feel them more intensely before it fully withers out and when knowledge is shared and not withheld and just knowing there as a term associated to what was feeling made me feel grounded. That I wasn’t the only one going through with it since there’s a term/theory based on it. Worked out my feelings with me. Even if it’s right or wrong. Provided me with an unbiased perspective. Which is hard to get with your friends since they’d just be on your side. Even though we were talking for a month, Prof really helped me through a lot and I thank you for that. If problems arise that are just as bad I’ll probably come back here.I respect his slow and thoughtful approach and how he offers information in a way that I can understand and trust. I like this because I am analytical and it slows me to decide within my own value system how to look at things as they are and react accordingly. The plan right now is to heal and revive It’s critical when stakes are high, to have clarity and confidence in yourself. I had to do something because my relationships across the board were suffering and I couldn’t allow myself to be the one who caused this or didn’t try to make the bad ones better and the dump or adjust the malignant ones that sucked my soul. The one issue he insisted was I come with a family member every time and although I did not understand this perspective, when we went on zoom from the second session and later I understood why when he shared the reason and I respect the choice he offered to me. Also he charged me lesser on zoom and that was a sure shot help for me even though I got the mandatory 80G receipts. He is definitely a go and he is very high on keeping secrets which for me is important as I am an anchor on TV.

We have never met a senior Psychologist who gives only 2 appointments a day or who when you realise , it has been 2 hours , still does not stop you from sharing your problem in detail. It's a very holistic experience to have a session with prof Singh. I would have never found him had I not tried to search more , going deeper through many profiles. A very holistic and spiritual approach to the whole healing process. It was easier for my husband and me to open up to him when we realised his maturity and age. We thought we were speaking to a 45 plus person but he is almost 57 or 58 and this really helped us feel emotionally safe and comfortable. We never knew we have been in conversation for Two Hours and still can't believe it how time passed. A very very kind approach with no rancour for anyone is how I would describe him.

My son is 6 years old. He was late in speaking and talking. Our doctor in Calcutta said that it is normal for some children to start speaking late and that he would start speaking as he grew up. Even our parents were not very worried and said to us that all children are different . Some start speaking early and some start speaking late. So we were very ignorant and happy at our life. When we saw the presentation that sir have and consulted with him, he made us speak to our child doctor and get a MRI. We were shocked to be told that there are some black spots that should not be there in the brain on the left side of our sons head. It was like small bundles of balls that then we were told was the reason for not yet talking for our son. My god , I wish we had known earlier as what am I earning for if not for my child. I am very grateful to Prof Singh For his kind guidance.

My kids were struggling in school, but they said their stomach hurts in the morning before class. For me it used to be a common part of the morning routine. My child would lie down on the bed and say I have a stomach ache. And then I have to make a decision. Vomiting without a fever was also a sign of stress we realised as he would vomit most mornings without any medical reasons like and it was my decision if my child stand at home or went to school despite these stomach aches.

Our initial appointment with Prof Singh was for counselling, but testing revealed that his stomachaches were caused by stress and lack of being able to remember the quiz system he had in his class for science and for this he was trying to avoid school. His weakness in remembering and retaining language and answers as well as shyness in speaking in front of his class was so bad that he had started to pretend to be unwell and not go to school regularly. His entire pattern of strengths and weakness was understood after the sessions and with time he is much more stronger in his personality and confident to go to his school. I believe that while children can have learning disabilities, our school system also in no way helps these children from nursery onwards. If these were addressed then, problems would never arise when they reach class 6 or 7. Even if you think your child might be “faking” a stomachache, something real is happening that needs to be addressed. It might be that the child is having trouble with his reading and writing or other difficulties with schoolwork. Or maybe the child is experiencing serious anxiety There’s also a chance he is being bullied. These symptoms must be taken seriously for our own future.

Therapy for my daughters and family

As a father of two teenage daughters, I noticed the changes in my children, starting from the behavioural changes to the academic changes, and I would often tell my wife, to be careful because there was a limit which I said, that a father can do. As my daughters began to grow up and enter into college, I did not like the fact that they would come home late, and I was forced to let them know that if they did not come home soon, I would have to speak to the college authorities, as well as their friends because it was unacceptable that living in Delhi, girls were coming home at about 10 o’clock in the night.

What I thought was happening, turned out to be completely incorrect, and it was not that my children were involved with other friends, but they were actually involved with what they called hanging out and having a few drinks. My daughter story began to unfold, on the day she drank so much that, we had to induce vomiting, and take her to the hospital, to save her life. It has taken a lot for us to seek out therapy for ourselves, because it is after we who are able to understand ourselves, can we be able to help our child. I told Prof Singh that I am tired, frustrated, and that my marriage has all but exhausted me, and there is little left to keep me going, and now this scenario of my daughter, has taken its toll on my mental health.

I want to share with all the parents and the fathers out there, as well as the mothers that it is good to talk about feminism, but in reality when you see your children specially your daughters, being ignored and taking the wrong path, it can be very painful for a father. I find it very painful to write this, but I wish I had read something like this much before, something which could have given me hence of what can happen if we ignore our children, and I would have made my wife read it, and today we would not be in the situation where, we almost lost our daughter to alcohol and overdose.

Coming to meet Prof Singh has been a tough decision because, as a man I know that at some stage I would have had to look at the realities of life, and I realise that my wife was not ready for it, because still in her opinion, we have to let children grow up, and experience life on their own, to which I do not agree, and it is my belief that we have to still share with our child what us good and what is bad.

Being able to understand how things have gone wrong, and eventually bringing our child to him, has brought us together as a family to a very large extent, and even though that we do not talk so much, just listening to each other talk makes so much of a difference, and just sitting with Prof Singh as we try to understand how to move ahead has been an experience in itself which I am very grateful for. We almost lost our daughter, and we brought her back from virtually the jaws of death, and it is unimaginable for me to think, what would have happened if she had continued to consume alcohol, the way she was.The reasons are many, but the reality is that we found ourselves in a situation which we never thought could have happened to us as a family, but the one thing I would like to give credit to is that, our daughters were able to come forward and say that they wanted help, and they were somehow able to relate to Prof Singh, they were able to open up and share their feelings in front of us, and they were able to explain what went wrong in the process of moving from school to college, and how they were pressurised, in the need to conform to the local situation, where if they did not then they would not have had any friends, and I find this most upsetting because, friendship is based on trust and respect as Prof Singh also agreed with me.

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My advice to all the parents is that, don’t think that everything is alright just because you don’t know what’s going on, and do not hesitate to get help because the world is changing very fast, and we may not be aware of what is going on behind our backs. It’s been an excellent experience with Dr Singh, and as a senior enough person myself I would say that, it has been a pleasure to interact with him.

My relationship was literally finished when I came to therapy and I needed to come to terms with where I wanted to place blme. I blmed my husband as he refused to see a problem in our relationship since the last 3 years. I always told him that we need to address how best to resolve the disinterest of his parents and his constant avoiding responsibility for the meaningless fights , in the pursuit of meaningful connection. Dr Singh has been a very calming influence on both of us though at first my husband resisted everything. I truly believe that everyone has a deep desire to be seen and loved for who they really are. But this is only possible through person to person communication and shared experiences over time. From my first session I knew there is a possibility for improvement and my heart remained hopeful. I used to blme a broken communication system that has allowed him to use text and messaging to be the preferred form of communication for all our issues regardless of the subject, and the horror of his mother reading everything he used to send to me privately without any consideration to circumstance. Every time he said that he is a product of his environment I wold get so upset about the choices he made, that there would be constant irritation between us. Dr Singh has been very patient and has helped me engage myself in learning to undo the damage and for getting caught up in such a ridiclous mess of emotional deception. He has been a guardian angel and some of the issues I have discussed with him objectively, have been an experience in itself. As a female, I know how difficult it is to open up to anyone about my private life and if I felt comfortable, then I can surely say without doubt that it was very helpful and has created a base for us to be able to understand a lot of personal perspectives. He has an open office system, which made me conscious at first but it was also comfortable for me personally as I knew I was in very safe hands.

College has not been a kind place to me. I don't like the attitude of a large number of people who I have to deal with. The teachers are just to the minimum and my age group is confirmed lost.

I have been under tremendous pressure for 1 year to start nicotine and alcohol and be free and I don't like it or want to be. I have seen some of my friends go back home and some lost to the PG world of degradation. The way I had developed negative self images about my way of Talking and body images made me feel so useles that when I went back home I would lock myself in my room and howl. I do not want to study in such situations. My senior who had not been able to clear her CA exams and had gained a lot of insight after regular therapy brought me to the Dr. It seems weired as I connected with him so quick though he us dad's age and from October and November I have been able to discuss everything and reform my opinion about work , studies , future and how to look up to myself in general. How i felt about my body image my looks my anger at a number of matters and why I can accept with time now. At first it seemed so unsettling to share so much intimately and personally but as I became comfortable talking to him, in 2 months I found a mentor and a well wisher. My error was to be discussing in detail with my friends and now I see that at my age they also had a certain idea of life. It is not wrong , but it is not scientific and non judgemental. My brother also now has met sir and is clear on his career path , my parents are feeling better and I am less under pressure to be what I am not. He has been very kind in some instances going out of his way in taking my worried calls and I am grateful for that also.

I have been wanting to submit and do so again that. I had been with my partner for 9 months and we had met on a dating site and we both agreed to take down our profiles. When we spoke and I asked if he was on others and he said no. I have had a bad feeling lately and decided to check a few and he is on several of them. One site in particular, he has "no preference" marked on everything he is looking for in his mate except non-smoking and I'm a smoker. It's like he wants a non-smoker but won't tell me the truth. Taking the smoking out of the equation, I feel that I am being betrayed on some level because he is posing as single after making it appear that he wasn't on dating sites. I did not know  how to approach this subject because I'm sure he will not like the fact that I went on sites to find his profile. 

That is when while surfing I came across Prof Singh’s site and it took me 2 months but yes I did come and meet him. He has gone seriously beyond his call of duty to assist me and make himself consistently available. It took 3 visits before my boyfriend decided to meet with him as a couple and it was an instant hit off and the test we did was an eye opener for both of us. I did want to had a  devious and not totally moral way of seeing if he is not totally committed to me, where I wanted to register myself on one of these sites, in another name without a picture, from a new email account, and send him a few emails saying I am interested and eventually see if he will come on a date, but thank god I listened to sir and he did recommend this as it is deceptive - and I may have not liked the resulting mess when he finds out what I have done. Its better I did not and listened to Dr Singh. What I like about him is his calmness and that he did not pressure us to come back but left it to us when to come to him. One suggestion to you sir is that as you meet 1/2 people a day, getting an appointment is difficult and I wish you worked on Sunday also. 

Relationship depression at work

When I close my eyes and recollect the moments when my colleague and boyfriend ditched me the memory still makes me want to cry. But I have learnt to be be strong and move on thanks to Dr Singh. He has helped me at every moment from the time I met him and never let me feel defeated. What drove me mad was that I was living a perfect life and working hard. I believed that when Ashish (his real name so he can also read it) started to give me attention, that he like me for what I was and not just for fun. After 3 months and knowing that he was married and would never leave his wife drove me mad and I can still remember me crying helplessly all the time.

As a brave daughter, I kew I needed help and that I have to learn to take care of myself, that made me come to Dr Singh because I knew, if I am not okay how will I take care of my father and mother and I was right, because I did not want my father to deteriorate before my eyes because of me and someone he loved.

I appreciate Dr Singh helping me understand the cycle of the string of work and mental abuse and how I was losing my self confidence, and this is not what I wanted to be as I grew older. Taking the huge step to open up yourself is never easy, but when I read about how one client “Madhavi” had written about Dr Singh, I decided to give it a try. The whole experience was like opening a new world to me. It was like speaking to a gentle guide who could read my thoughts before I even spoke them. The bitter truth is if you don’t solve your problems, it never goes away. My parents helped me half-heartedly whenever doctors advised them that my condition was serious but they always revoked the support later. But this was 180 degree. It was like speaking to a doctor, father, and a learned man all rolled in one.

Cultural conditioning had made me very reluctant to seek help but I did it anyway. Medication did not help especially with the severity of the side effects and doctors were never understanding nor sympathetic. My days felt like I’ve been thrown into the deep sea and me trying to swim for air. I knew it was chronic given the pattern of me falling into maniac thoughts frequently. I got more and more angry because I have always been so passionate about living and I don’t and still can’t believe how I got myself in my situation and this itself made me more depressed. I have to give Dr Singh credit for the way he guided me through every step and every call he took. Once I even called him ‘papa’ and I can’t forget his smile. Yes I agree with Madhvi, he has some way of being able to read your thoughts, maybe years of experience or some gift after meeting so many people, but I was able to scientifically understand my emotions and what had happened.

I have always felt very uncomfortable sharing personal issues but the best thing I ever did for myself was to keep coming and seeking help. I still don't have the support at home but this has been more than compensated by visiting Dr Singh regularly and the meaning of life and emotions he has taught me and which I need and now I utilise to keep myself busy and to remind myself that I have good qualities too, actually helps. My counselling sessions have helped me to see the light in this dark tunnel and I know I am getting closer to the light. I never knew the passion I have , which Dr Singh helped me to understand and to find my happiness is more than enough to actually save me I realise. For this I shall be ever grateful to him and a loyal subject to say. I know where to come when I have a problem. Someone who will never shut me out. Thank you so much sir.