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I am concerned about my son, who would turn 13 on Jun 26. He can't see with his left eye. When he was 7yr old he accidentally dropped lime powder in his eye and which damaged his cornea. Although doctors performed many surgeries but couldn't save his eye. After so many surgeries his eye shape is little deformed. Now the doctor suggested cosmetic surgery and a prosthetic eye implant but as my son has undergone many surgeries in these many years he is now scared of any further surgery. He says he is ok with his eye condition. On the other hand doctor says he is growing up and he might get into inferiority complex, he should get operated so that both eye looks same. Plz suggest if he needs counseling. Is this condition of my son going to really impact his life his personality
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As a parent, watching your child go through repeated surgeries, pain, and loss especially something as significant as vision is one of the most emotionally exhausting experiences a person can face. Your love and concern for your son’s wellbeing, both physical and emotional, is evident in every word you wrote. You are doing the right thing by asking these questions.
Your son has lived through something genuinely traumatic not just the accident, but years of medical procedures, hospitals, pain, and uncertainty. By the age of 13, he has already demonstrated remarkable resilience.
1. Post-Traumatic Stress (Surgical/Medical Trauma)
His fear of further surgery is clinically significant. When a child undergoes repeated invasive procedures, the body and mind can develop a trauma response
not weakness, but a natural protective mechanism. His resistance to surgery is likely rooted in this. This deserves to be taken seriously, not overridden.
2. Body Image & Adolescent Identity Development
Adolescence is precisely the stage described in Erik Erikson’s framework as Identity vs. Role Confusion where young people are forming a deep sense of who they are. A visible physical difference during this stage can:
- Become a source of self-consciousness in social settings
- Affect how peers respond to him, which then shapes how he sees himself
- Either become a wound — or with the right support, a defining strength
The doctor’s concern is not unfounded. But the way this is handled matters enormously.
3. Learned Helplessness vs. Genuine Acceptance
It is worth gently exploring through counselling whether his acceptance is genuine peace or a quiet resignation because he feels he has no control. A good counselor can help distinguish between the two.
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Counseling is not a sign that something is wrong with your son. It is actually the most empowering gift you can give him right now — for several important reasons:
✦ He deserves a safe space to talk about years of pain, fear, and adjustment that he may have quietly carried to protect you
✦ He is approaching a major social transition teenage years bring new social pressures, and having professional support now builds resilience for what’s ahead
✦ The surgery decision should ultimately feel like his choice counselling can help him arrive at that decision from a place of empowerment, not fear or pressure
✦ His self-concept is forming right now a skilled counselor can help him build an identity rooted in confidence and self-
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Children who experience physical changes may sometimes develop self-esteem concerns during adolescence, but many adapt well when they receive emotional support and acceptance from family.
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Respect your son’s feelings and avoid forcing the decision about surgery immediately. A few counseling sessions with a child psychologist can help him process fear of surgery and strengthen his confidence.
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Focus on building his self-esteem, skills, and social confidence, rather than only appearance. Early emotional guidance can prevent future inferiority feelings.
If you would like professional guidance for your child’s emotional wellbeing, you may consult me for a confidential session
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It is completely understandable that you feel caught between the doctor’s advice and your son’s fears. At 13, he is navigating a very important stage of self-identity, and after seven years of surgeries, his 'no' is likely coming from a place of deep medical fatigue and a need for autonomy over his own body.
Here is how I suggest we look at this:
Prioritize Emotional Safety: While the doctor is concerned about his future self-esteem, forcing a surgery now could cause more immediate trauma and resentment. If he feels 'OK' with his condition, we should honor that for now. It builds his confidence to know his parents respect his boundaries.
The Role of Counseling: I do recommend counseling, but not to 'convince' him to have surgery. Instead, it should be a safe space for him to process the physical and emotional exhaustion of the last six years. It will help him build the resilience the doctor is worried about.
A 'Wait and Watch' Approach: Cosmetic surgery and prosthetic implants are often options that remain available in the future. If he decides at 16 or 18 that he wants the procedure, he will be doing it for himself, which leads to much better psychological outcomes.
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Tell him clearly that you hear him and that no surgery will happen without his consent. This will lower his anxiety and actually make him more likely to talk openly about his feelings later on
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Hi, it's better to connect with a Counsellor.
Additionally, discuss this topic lightly with your son. Listen his points, keep your concerns. Don't be serious while discussing, rather put yourself open and discuss the probable future scenarios with him.
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Consultation with me is advised
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Hi, Consult a psychologist
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Psychologist
13 yrs exp
Bangalore
Hi... If he is not feeling right about the eye surgery, he can wait and get it done when he feels okay. Also, seek an alternate consultation from another doctor about why it needs to be done now and not any time later when he is ready. The doctor is right about a possible 'body-image issue' that might develop at this young age, but medically if it is okay to wait and get his eye surgery done at later time when he is ready, than thats the best option. If there is a risk of not getting back proper vision, if surgery done later or if it will impact his ability to cope with other daily and academic tasks than getting his eye surgery done now is better. Remember, his willingness to take surgery is equally important for his body-image recovery. Any procedure that is forced upon, may become more difficult to recover mentally. But when medically it becomes necessary to do it now or he may loose his proper vision or his ability to perform his daily tasks (routine/ academic) than there is no choice but to convince him.
Next Steps
Consult a Psychologist.
Parent/ Child Counselling is required.
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Mr. Gunjan Maithil
Senior Psychologist
Cell: nine six seven one three zero three one three four
Website: https://gunjanmaithil.wixsite.com/therapy
App: http://wix.to/fechb08?ref=cl
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Ms. Shivangi Gupta
Psychologist
4 yrs exp
Delhi
Hi
It must be overwhelming for you to go through this. It would be better to get him assessed psychologically, and check how comfortable is he with the entire situation and processing it.
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Ms. Smriti
Counselling Psychologist
18 yrs exp
Bangalore
Connect with psychologist
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consult
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counseling
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